0 Romans Road

Good Morning Friends,

I hope everyone is having a nice morning so far.  Does anybody have some fun plans for this weekend?  We have grandparents coming into town to get some lovin' from the girls.  Just wanted to let y'all know that this post is a new type of post for me, and I am excited to share it.  I am participating in a Group Writing Project hosted by Faithful Bloggers and the topic is called Romans Road. Once everyone submits their post, the host is going to compile them all into an online book that we can share with all of you.  We were able to pick from a variety of versus in Romans and I chose Romans 8:38-39.  Enjoy!

In this life, we will all face different forces to be reckoned with.  Those forces take shape in a variety of forms such as daily trials, disease, and death.  When we are in these circumstances we ask why God is allowing these things to happen to us.  We can't wrap our heads around why bad things happen to good people.  Often, instead of drawing closer to God we drift farther away because we are angry, sad, and confused about our present suffering. In Romans 8:38-39 the apostle Paul states, "For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Paul is telling us that suffering does not separate believers from Christ but it actually is meant for us to draw closer to His love.

Recently, I experienced first hand the power of God's love. My husband and I were expecting identical twin girls and were absolutely thrilled.  As we happily attended baby showers, bought new clothes, and decorated the nursery we were filled each day with bliss.  Every doctor appointment showed that the girls were growing and were developing on schedule.  Around 27 weeks, I woke up with a sharp pain in my stomach.  As the morning continued, the pain became more persistent so my husband rushed me to the hospital.  Within minutes we discovered that I was fully dilated and I would have to undergo an emergency C-section.  Throughout the surgery I was so scared and fearful for my babies.  The girls were born weighing two pounds and were rushed to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU).  Later that day, we learned that both girls had to rely on a ventilator for their breathing and they were in a very critical state.  Our physician told us that we faced a long road ahead of us that would be filled with many ups and downs. As time continued, the girls battled several infections that made me fear for their lives. Watching my little girls fight death, I felt hopeless and became very fearful for their lives. Over the course of our 81 days in the NICU, Satan used my fear of them dying to manipulate my mind.

In Romans 8:38, one of the first items that Paul states is that death shall not be able to separate us from the love of God.  Instead of distancing ourselves from God's love when we are suffering, we should desperately cling to Him.  When He is holding us in His arms, the power of the Holy Spirit gives us strength to fight death or any other trial that we are presently facing.  This verse states that 'nor height, nor depth' shall separate us from the love of God.  This shows that it is impossible for us to get beyond God's loving reach.  His arms will always hold us tightly if we choose Him instead of asking why we are suffering.  Bad things happen to good people so those believers in Christ can use their experience to glorify the name of God.  When we turn to Christ in our darkest hours, the veil is removed from our eyes and we witness his uncontainable love for us. Psalm 18:22 beautifully says, "But the LORD watches over those who fear him, those who rely on his unfailing love.  He rescues them from death and keeps them alive in times of famine.  We put our hope in the LORD.  He is our help and our shield.  In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name.  Let your unfailing love surround us, LORD, for our hope is in you alone."

Friends, seek refuge in Christ during your times of suffering.  His love for us is greater than anything else in this world because He gave us the ultimate sacrifice of Christ Jesus dying on the cross for our sins.  God is love and we were created by Him to love Him.  When we give ourselves to Christ, we know that His love will get us through anything that we face in this life.

Prayer: God, please take away my fear of death.  Please hold me in your arms so I can feel your love.  I pray for the Holy Spirit to come inside of me and give me strength to fight this battle.  Thank you for sacrificing your son for my sins.  Thank you for being my help and my shield.  I am putting my hope in you alone.  In Jesus' name, Amen.

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

Read more ...

3 Happy Dance

Anybody ever heard the phrase, "It has to get worse before it gets better?"  Well, I am starting to believe in that statement.  Last Thursday was a rough evening.  As always, Raleigh and I headed down the interstate to make the girls 8:00 pm feed.  That night, I was just plain tired of going to the hospital.  I started to yearn for the girls to be well and home with us.  Before they were born, we usually kept to a routine of eating dinner at home and being in our comfy clothes by eight o'clock.  Of course, routines change and we have adjusted to our new schedule but that night I just really wanted to have the girls at home with me instead of driving to go see them.

Earlier that day, the nurse practitioner gave the thumbs up to start trying three feeds a day from the bottle.  As great as that sounds, it was a huge test for them because they were still having trouble taking one feed, let alone three.  The nurse that was in charge of the girls that evening told me that it might be a good idea for the girls to be evaluated by the occupational therapist.  For some reason, that made me feel like throwing in the towel.  I felt defeated and wondered if they would always be less developed than other children.  It is the hardest thing as a parent to admit that your child is under-developed.  I think it is my pride.  Our girls are doing so well but my pride wants them to be better than other children even though they are preemies!  Has anybody else ever felt that way about their kids?  Boy, it is a hard thing to deal with!

Leaving the hospital that evening, I didn't have much to say.  I was tired, upset, and sad.  I got out of the car and headed inside to get ready for bed.  As I stood brushing my teeth over our bathroom sink, I became overwhelmed with my emotions.  Tears started flowing and I fell to the floor crying.  Raleigh came to help me and tried to make me feel better about the occupational therapist but I honestly wasn't in the encouraging mood.  I hate to admit this, but I stormed upstairs just to be alone for a little while.  I crept into the girls nursery and just sat in the reclining chair rocking back and forth in the dark.  Oh, how I longed to have them home in their room!  I just want it so bad it hurts!!!!  Eventually, Raleigh came to get me and we both headed to bed, just spent with exhaustion.

Friday morning I woke up still feeling upset.  Typically, I go to the hospital for their mid-day feed and that day I was moving a little slower.  When I arrived for the feed, the nurse let me try breastfeeding them.  As I sat in the hard plastic chair holding baby Adeline, I became overwhelmed with guilt.  The sweet nurse came in to check on us and she could tell I was upset.  We began to talk and the tears just started to flow again.  I felt like a wrecking ball spinning out of control.  Suddenly, my guilt engulfed me like a wave crashing down on the sea floor.  Guilt is a horrible feeling, my friends.  I have been plagued with it since the moment I arrived at the hospital 78 days ago.  I have felt so guilty for them being born premature.  I feel guilty when I get to their feeds late or when we just go once a day on the weekends.  Guilt strikes me when I see a cute girl in her last days of being pregnant and it rears its nasty head when I try to relax.  Sometimes I feel like it is my fault that they were born early.  Recently, one of the nurses told me that they think the girls were actually closer to 24 or 25 weeks instead of twenty-seven when they were born.  They think this because during their initial assessment, they still had fused eyes and their whole growth has been about two weeks delayed than their actual week.  Knowing this gives me more discomfort because I realize how fortunate we are for them to be with us.

As I sat there crying, I looked down and saw dear Adeline looking back at me.  Her eyes are so big and blue and she smells so sweet.  She makes funny noises and loves to grasp whatever she can get a hold of in her hands.  As I held her in my arms, I realized that she was a miracle.  Even if she is more premature than we thought, she is alive and she is getting better every day.  She was born early for a reason and this is all part of God's sovereign plan for our lives.  He knows how many hairs she has on her head and he knew she would be born early allowing him to deliver her safely into our arms.   He knew we were ready for this challenge because he heard our request to be used to glorify His kingdom.  He has been preparing us for this fight for years and He knows that if we rely on Him we will win this battle.  The one thing that God has not given me for this battle is guilt.  He would never make me feel guilty.  He loves me too much and He chooses to offer me kind words instead of discouraging ones.  This is self-guilt and I have allowed the devil a port hole to enter into my mind and fester this ugly beast.  It got out of control last week and since then I have tried to give it to God and let it go.

Maralee has hit the four pound mark and Adeline weighs 4.9 pounds now. Since they have done so great, the nurse told me that I needed to start coming for all of their day feeds.  That means I will be at the hospital five times a day and if they do good with this advanced feeding schedule, their is a very good chance that they could come home early next week!!!  I can't believe that the end is right around the corner.  I want it so bad it hurts.  Please pray for the girls to do good this weekend with their feeds and for us to remain patient.  Also, please pray for our families because they are helping us get our house prepared for them to come home.  We are so excited but at the same time, we don't want to push them to hard.  We want them home but we also want them to be taking their feeds extremely well before they leave the NICU.  The last thing we want is for them to be readmitted because they can't take their feeds.  Let us pray that they remain healthy growing little girls!

Raleigh and Maralee (10 weeks old)

 

Christen and Adeline (10 weeks old)

 

Friends, it was really quite silly for me to get so upset about the girls needing help.  The occupational therapist ended up being a good thing and she is helping us move in the right direction towards coming home.  I feel like God is using this experience to refine my thoughts.  He wants me to conquer the devil with my mind and not let him use guilt to discourage me and make me afraid.  When I stop allowing little red to control my emotions I will have defeated him.  For me, this is much easier said than done but every day I am learning my lesson.

Isn't that what life is about?  We are all filled with guilt and hard times but it is how we decide to deal with these things that determines the type of people we want to be.  I encourage you to rely on God and give him your worries because He desperately wants you and me to seek him when we are scared.  He is with us always; it is just up to us to allow him to enter into our hearts and our minds.  The more we are filled with God's truth, the easier it is to fight this never-ending battle for our minds.  Joyce Meyer wrote a great book called Battlefield of the Mind and she talks about how the devil lies.  She says that he doesn't know how to speak the truth.  He wants us to feel guilty because he hopes he can use that to sway us from being close to God.  "If we listen and accept what we hear, our enemy rejoices."  Friends, I do not want Satan to do a happy dance because he got into my mind.  In order for me not to let Satan have a stronghold on my mind, I have to fight him with praise and prayer to God.  By doing this, I have God on my side and the battle will be won!

"For the weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds" - 2 Corinthians 10:4

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

Read more ...

2 Book Review - Fathered by God

Hey everybody, its been a while, but I'm back with another book review. This one comes just in time for Father's Day. It's not to late to rush out and pick up something special - if you have no ideas whatsoever, then I am here to help you out with this review.

Description:

New York Times best-selling author John Eldredge unveils the six stages men must complete to become who God designed them to be.

In this life-changing message from John Eldredge, readers discover a paradigm-shifting path to manhood. He unveils the six stages many men miss, stages they must complete in order to become the man God designed them to be. Inspiring, insightful, and challenging for men and the women in their lives, Fathered by God delivers the very thing men need, a way to forge companionship with God the Father while undergoing a transformation, releasing the fullness of life and the passion God designed them to live.

Review:

I picked up this book a while back when I was looking for Christian books on parenting. I'm not one who really likes to be told how to live his life or raise his children, so that eliminated 99% of the books out there. I stumbled upon this book simply because it had "fathered" in the title. I had read Wild at Heart by John Eldredge when I was in high school and it was one of the first books I read in my life that compelled me to truly be a Christian Man, so I thought I would give this one a go too.

The subtitle of this book is Learning What Your Dad Could Never Teach You. I am extremely blessed that I have had a Christian father that has directly shaped my life. Not all boys are this lucky. Eldredge hits at the heart of our modern society - the "Self-Made Man" - a false sense of security that we hold onto when no one in our life has gone before us and shown us the way. It comes from a very real sense of fear that we are alone in this world. While true that these men do show a great sense of determination, most are "driven" by the fear of abandonment they have felt in their lives. Eldredge states that the real discovery comes when we find ourselves in such a need that we ultimately realize the answer that has always been in front of us. Only our heavenly father can truly show us the way.

Realization of the truth is only part of the task. All men desire to be tested, and the Lord has created an initiation process that spans our whole life. This Masculine Journey is broken down into six phases - Boyhood, Cowboy, Warrior, Lover, King, and Sage. While these stages are somewhat chronological, it is not uncommon to experience them throughout life or even several of them at once. In Boyhood, we learn what it feels like to be safe in our father's arms - safe in the presence of a real man who can handle anything in the world - or the crushing reality of a rejection that becomes the defining point of an individuals life. As a Cowboy, we ask "Do I have what it takes" because men and boys alike learn by doing. Warriors learn that there are certain things in life worth fighting for. It's a difficult reality for the modern Christian who is to often labeled a pacifist. The Lover is not merely the stage a young man falls in love with a girl but the moment that the Lord moves him. He is awakened to notice the glory of God in all of his creation. The heart of a King is tested when mankind trusts him with power. Eldredge boldly claims that the Bible is the story of God wanting to entrust men with his power, and men not being able to handle it. His power is given to us for influence that benefits others, too often it is to our own. All Kings come to a time when they must step down from their throne. It is at this moment that his influence actually increases. The Sage's wisdom and experience has been forged with humility and compassion. Too often our world dismisses the elderly in favor of the young and beautiful.

Any initiation will test you physically and emotionally - it is the only way we will discover that there is more to ourselves and that God is our strength.

Recommendation: This book is a must read for any boy or man. I would recommend it to anyone who is at least in high school. There truly is something to learn at all stages in our life, but it may be hard to comprehend some of these ideas until one has experienced each of these stages in some way. Eldredge has a very simple way of story telling that draws you in; you will pass through the book in no time. The book is rooted in scripture but it does not throw it in your face. Often he relates these truths to classical adventures such as Star Wars and The Lord of the Rings. I know we have a large female following, yet I hope you experience this book in some way too. If you are struggling to understand the journey a man in your life is on; I would encourage you to read this book.

-Raleigh

Read more ...

3 The Facts

Friends, I apologize for such a late response to the post on Monday.  The past couple of days have been filled with tons of feelings and it has been hard for us to put into words exactly what we went through.  I sat down yesterday for three hours trying to come up with a post that would explain what happened and also to explain how I felt.  Writing the day down on the blog made it seem like it was nothing when it actually was something that is still on my heart today.  I appreciate the support that we have been given by all of you - trust me it has helped far more than you will ever know.  But, sometimes I feel like nobody truly understands what I am feeling unless they have been in my place.  I know we must all feel that way at times....like we are going through our trials all alone.

As most people were enjoying their day off from work, we received a grim phone call from our doctor saying that Maralee's veins were no longer taking her I.V.'s and she would need to go to Children's to have a surgical procedure done.  Maralee has been on two different antibiotics, one for her staff infection and the other for her yeast infection. For her to be given these medicines, she has had to have two different I.V.'s because they can not be mixed into the same vein.  Since her birth, she has been stuck in all possible locations - heels, legs, arms, even her head.    The nurses had been warning us that it was possible for the meds to break down her premature veins.   On  Monday, they made several last chance attempts to stick her - they even went as far as to shave her little head in spots to get a prick - but nothing would stay.  Her veins were so weak that the I.V.'s were literally falling out.  So, the doctor told us that Children's would need to come and get her so they could do a surgical procedure for her to have a method to permanently receive her medicine.  Basically, they would need to cut an incision into her neck or leg so the medicine could flow directly into the stronger veins  that are found deeper within the body (very similar to a "port" for cancer patients to receive chemotherapy). Of course she was going to need two incisions because of the medicine - the emotional side of me could only think of the fact that one of my daughters was likely now going to have two large scars on her beautiful little neck.

Soon, we were heading north to meet our girl at the hospital located in downtown Birmingham. We weren't sure how long she would be staying at Children's so I packed enough clothes for a week and Raleigh decided he would stay the night and then decide if he needed to head back to Montgomery.  It crushed me at the thought that I wouldn't get to see Adeline for a couple of days but I couldn't bear for Maralee to be all alone either.  So, Raleigh's mom came to stay in Montgomery with Adeline and we went to Birmingham, along with my parents for support. Driving on I-65, I thought it was slightly ironic that she was being treated at Children's because that hospital was one of my accounts when I worked at the American Cancer Society.  After all of those visits, never did I dream that I would be visiting for my own child.  Walking through the cheerfully decorated corridor, we located the NICU and met our new nursing team.  They informed us that they would first attempt to insert a PICC (peripherally inserted central catheter) line into her and if that didn't work, which was likely, they would have to do the surgical procedure.  So we sat.  And we waited.  And waited.  And waited.  Late afternoon, we were finally allowed into the NICU to see our daughter.  It was interesting walking into a new NICU - they were the same yet very different.  It just didn't feel like home but we knew it was a great home if that makes any sense.  When we located Maralee's new incubator, we were told that we could visit with her for a little while, and then the nurse would try to insert the PICC line.  It was a relief to finally see her - I knew she was safe but it was still nice to look down and see her beautiful face.  After our short but sweet visit, we left to get some dinner so the nurse could have time to do her thing.  My parents treated us to P.F. Chang's but I wasn't in the festive mood.  It was hard to even make conversation because all I could think about was Maralee.  When our food came, the savory smell filled my nose and I realized how famished I was from that stressful day.  After eating, I felt better and we returned to the hospital.


After more hours of waiting, we were finally allowed to enter the NICU.  By the grace of God, the PICC line was a success.  Thanks to a machine that allowed the nurse to see the larger veins beneath the skin, she was able to locate a strong vein in the pit of Maralee's arm.  This process is extremely less invasive to her body and decreases the chances of additional infections.  Also, they installed a dual-PICC line which required only one insertion point.  The new PICC will be permanent until Maralee comes home, she will not have to pricked anymore to receive her antibiotics.  I was filled with gratitude for the patient nurse who searched for a strong vein for hours and my heart lifted when I saw Maralee's sweet face.  She looked tired and I could only imagine the stress her body endured that day.  After telling her how much we loved her, we finally left the hospital late that evening to crash on a borrowed bed.

Tuesday morning we received a phone call saying that the line was still good and she would be heading back to Montgomery!  We were so thankful that the trip ended up being shorter than we thought and that soon she would be reunited with Adeline.  When we entered the doors of Baptist East, we felt like we were coming home.  It was a joy to see the girls together again and to see the friendly faces of all of the nurses that we have come to love.

Thank you friends for your continued prayers.

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, raleigh and christen

Read more ...

2 Genuine Faith

Beep. Beep. BEEEEEP!!!!!

Last night, those were the continuing sounds that I heard  from the machines keeping our girls alive as we visited with them in the NICU.  As we walked into the nursery, we noticed that Adeline had been moved into the same room as Maralee because she too had developed a staff infection.  We hate it that her little body has to fight yet another infection but I am beginning to realize that if one of our girls gets sick than the other is likely to follow.  We began to put on the lovely yellow robe and blue plastic gloves when all of a sudden her machine starts blinking red like our emergency car flashers.  Raleigh and I take a seat outside of her room as the nurses scramble around to fix her breathing tube.  Turns out that the ventilator was stuck in her throat so they ended up taking it out and putting her on the CPAP breathing tube through her nose.  The rest of the night she seemed to enjoy having the CPAP because she kept moving her tongue around.  It was like she was saying, "Yes! Freedom!"  It was so neat because for a minute I actually got to hear her breathe before they put the top back on the incubator. 

Sister did not like Adeline getting all of the attention so Maralee began to pull one of Adeline's old tricks and stop breathing.  Earlier that day she had been switched to a CPAP as well but it didn't fit quite right in her nose.  Because it was a little snug, the air wasn't streaming in like it was supposed to.  The nurses ended up switching her to a larger CPAP but  her heart rate would drop occasionally.  When the babies do this, the nurses start to press on their feet and hands to get them to "wake up" from sleeping so soundly.  It happens a lot but I never get used to all of the sounds.  It scares me to see the numbers get so low but the Lord always relieves my fears and pushes those numbers back to normal mode. Needless to say, they kept their sweet nurse busy last night and my nerves were shot by the time I left! 

With each beeping sound, God is teaching me to put my trust in Him.  He is the ultimate physician and can breathe new life into anybody; anytime anywhere.  This morning, as I was sitting on my back porch I relished in the beauty of God's creations.  I thanked him for the birds, trees, and even the little squirrel that was scampering around our fence.  If God pays so much attention to these things, I know He is taking even greater care for my little girls.  He has allowed for Adeline's fluid to decrease around her lungs and heart and I know that he is continuing to heal both girls' staff infections.  I have hope that they will do well on their new breathing apparatus so they can eventually have enough strength to breathe on their own. 

Yesterday, one of my friends told me a sweet story that gave me so much joy.  She and her husband had shared our prayer concern at a local church and the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to pray for our family.  My friend told me that an eleven year old boy raised his hand and asked if he could pray for Adeline and Maralee.  She told me that by the time he was done praying that there was not a dry eye in the building.  God is not only using our story to glorify his kingdom but he is using our story to influence others.  Children continue to amaze us with their simple faith in Christ.  That little boy was not scared to pray for our girls because he believes in the power of prayer.  It excites me to wonder what else God has in store for that boy as he gets older and more mature in his faith. 

Friends, I have realized that God always has his hand stretched out to reach me in times of suffering and joy.  He has openly asked for me to have a relationship with him and to trust him with my life.  When I say the word "relationship" that means that it is two-sided.  I have decided to partake in that relationship because I realize that I can't do this life on my own.  The reason this blog began in the first place was because I felt Jesus really tugging at my heart.  I had accepted Him as my savior years ago but I have always struggled with what my purpose in life was.  So, I began to pray for Him to use me and for me to be open to His will for my life.  For some crazy reason, he put writing on my heart and that was how this all began.  The blog is called "The Uncontainable Truth" because of this scripture,  

"You are the light of the world.  A city on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl.  Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:14-16).

After discovering that his truth just can't be contained, I realized that my purpose in life is to be a disciple of Christ.  I believe that right now, he is using this blog and this situation to bring others to Him through prayer, worship, and fellowship.  1 Peter 1:3-9 says,

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!  In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade - kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.  In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.  Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

Our faith in Christ is 'of greater worth than gold' and the more we show him our faith the more "genuine" we become as Christians.  We start to live in love, hope, and peace and "are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy."  When we get to this point in our relationship with him, we have fulfilled our purpose in life and have reached our goals. 

Even though our family is going through this trial, I still know that I have God's love because I believe in him.  I am starting to realize that this trial is bringing triumph to God's kingdom.  It is making my faith more genuine and I feel his love for me and my children even though I can't see him. I pray that each of you have this feeling in your hearts.  If you don't have it, just ask for it.  We all deserve it and He wants all of us to have his love.  We just have to have faith and believe, just like that little boy, that God loves us and wants us to live our lives for Him.  When we do that, we truly are the light of the world.

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

Read more ...

2 You Hold Me Now

So, Wednesday night Raleigh and I headed to the hospital to see our sweet baby girls.  On the way, he played his new Hillsong c.d. and immediately I started to cry when the song "You Hold Me Now" started playing .  Earlier that day, I had visited the girls with both of our moms and I got a little sad. They are still too little to hold and Raleigh's mom mentioned that she knew she was "Gabby" but she just wanted to hold her grand babies so bad. It was so hard to see them with all of those tubes inside of them.  Usually, all I see are precious teeny tiny little girls but yesterday I kept seeing these images:

While this song was playing, all I could do was close my eyes and listen to the lyrics:

No weeping, no hurt or pain

No suffering You hold me now

No darkness no sick or lame

No Hiding, You hold me now,

You hold me now

Friends, this is really hard to write.  As I mentioned before, I am trying to look at the positive things and I know that this is a marathon and we are running baby steps right now but I really do want to hold my little girls.  I want to hold them and kiss them and see them open their eyes.  I wonder if they feel those tubes and if they are having a hard time through all of this.  I would have a C-section without my pain medicine again if that could take any pain from them.  I wonder, can they hear me?  Do they know that it is me that gets to touch them?  Do they feel all of this love that surrounds them?

I don't have the answers to these questions.  But, as I boo-hooed in the car on the way to the hospital, I began to experience God's love holding me now, in that moment.  And I realized that even though I can't hold Adeline and Maralee, HE IS.  He is taking away their hurt or pain.  They don't have suffering or know that they are sick.  He HOLDS THEM NOW.

Shakily, I wiped away my tears, and my husband said, "Let's go see those baby girls."  We went inside the NICU and got to spend a wonderful amount of time with the twins.  Raleigh got to see Maralee's face for the first time that night and my heart filled with joy and love as he smiled down at her.  He is such a great husband and dad.  I love him so much. 

On the way home, we continued to listen to the Hillsong c.d. but "You Hold Me Now" was still on my heart.  As I mentally played those words in my head, I heard this voice say, "This song would be great to play at Maralee's funeral."  At that moment, I didn't know what to think, wondering did I really think that?????  All of a sudden I busted into tears and asked Raleigh if they were going to die.  If Maralee was going to die.  We immediately had to pull over because neither one of us could hold back the flood gates.  As we held each other, we started to say the words of the song:

No weeping, no hurt or pain

No suffering You hold me now

No darkness no sick or lame

No Hiding, You hold me now,

You hold me now

All of a sudden, I realized the game that was being played.  Satan wanted to throw some spiritual warfare inside my head to freak me out.   He saw how well I was doing, how much I was coming to Jesus instead of him, and he got JEALOUS.  He wanted me to feel hurt and pain.  He wanted me to be in darkness.  He wanted my deepest fear to come true.  Raleigh, totally out of his normal character, was so angry- he looked as if he wanted to fight.  As we sat there, absorbing what was going on, we both realized how sick Satan really is.  How manipulative and deceiving.  He used a song that brought me comfort hours ago and turned it against me.  He is playing hardball and doesn't care if feelings and emotions get hurt.  In fact, he dwells in it, yearns for it, it is his deepest desire to turn God's children away from their father.

Sitting at the stop sign just a block from our house, we began to pray.  We prayed for God to take away our fears.  We prayed for strength and endurance.  We prayed for Him to continue to hold us.  We listened to the song and we heard:

In this life I will stand

Through my joy and my pain

Knowing there's a greater day

There's a hope that never fails

Listening to these words, our hearts filled with God's love and we realized this important fact: WE ARE ON JESUS' TEAM.  HE HAS ALREADY DEFEATED SATAN.  "Shout unto God" is another awesome song by Hillsong that fits this perfectly:

The enemy has been defeated

And death couldn't hold You down

We're gonna lift our voice in victory

We're gonna make Your praises loud

Shout unto God with a voice of triumph

Shout unto God with a voice of praise

Shout unto God with a voice of triumph

We lift Your name up

We lift Your name up

Praise Jesus that HE has already kicked Satan's butt for us.  Friends, I pleading with you....if you don't have Christ in your life, get on his team.  Life really, really stinks and hurts at times but having Him take the pain helps us to keep going.  I can't imagine being on the dark side while going through this battle.  Friends, I am praying that God just puts up an electric fence around my head and heart.  The minute satan starts to sneak into my thoughts I want him to be zapped on the highest voltage.

That will make any dog tuck his tail and run :)

TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY 

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

Read more ...

0 I Am Second

I'm sure you all are aware of a little football game played last Thursday night. As Texas took on Alabama, the number one team going into the BCS National Championship we all watched in shock as Colt McCoy, the Texas quarterback, was removed from the game when he was hit during a play by an Alabama defensive player.

We all know how the game ended. Alabama walked away as the number one team for this season in football. I know my dad, one of the biggest Alabama fans in this state, was a very happy camper that night.

But, that's not what this post is about tonight. It's not about who won and who lost. It's not about which team we were cheering for or what we thought the game was going to be like. It's about the Christian character that was shown by Colt McCoy that night as he watched from the sidelines his last football game in his college career.

Anybody that has ever played any sport can totally relate to the emotions he was feeling that night. Athletes have so much heart for their sport. It is more than a game. The game tests the athlete and develops inner character. Below is the post-game interview that was given to Colt. Check out what he had to say:



We all face unexpected trials in life. Are we going to let that curve ball control us or are we going to let someone far greater be in control of our lives?

*I am second is a movement where significance in life is a shared value among people of all kinds. Actors. Athletes. Musicians. Business leaders. Your next door neighbor. People just like you. Their authentic stories here on iamsecond.com provide insight into dealing with typical struggles of everyday living. You'll meet people who overcame destructive lifestyles. Plus you'll discover those who've tried to go at it alone and have failed, yet still found a life full of hope, peace, and fulfillment.

Take a look at Colt's I am Second video:



Do you see yourself as second? I think we should all take some time to think about where we rate ourselves in life. To see more I Am Second videos, click here.

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

*iamsecond.com. What is I Am Second?.

Read more ...