0 Point of View

God continues to answer my prayers.  He continually provides for my family and shows us that He is totally in control of our lives.  He hears my pleas and He shows me His ways for the health of our girls.  I am in awe of His timing and His plans for our future.  This past Friday we received an excellent report from our pediatrician.  After eight weeks, he gave us permission to cautiously start taking the girls out in public.  We need to avoid crowds and nurseries but now we have more free-will to take them out.  Hearing that news made me feel like a normal person!  The past couple of weeks have felt like captivity and now we have some freedom to go around town.  I will continue to run my errands on days that I have help, but knowing that our family can go to church together or go to an early dinner is so relieving.  Also, he suggested that we start transitioning towards cutting out the 2 a.m. feed and letting the girls go to about 4:30 a.m.  That was great news to hear because we have been waking up in the middle of the night for five months now so we are excited to get a couple more hours of sleep.  Since we started this, the girls have been waking up around 3:30 a.m. so we are making progress!

Raleigh, Adeline, Maralee & Christen

First Family Sunday at church!

Sunday, September 19th, Covenant

The Prices

 The Ridley's

 

Another thing that we discussed was their weight.  Currently, they both weigh 7.5 pounds.  While that is progress, it is still not quite where it should be so we talked about giving them more formula and starting to ween from direct breastfeeding.  Making that decision was tough, but I know it is in the best interest of the girls and myself.  I have loved the bond that we got to share, but the truth is they are receiving most of their milk from the follow-up bottle.  We still have frozen breast milk that we will continue to use during the day but I am going to stop direct breastfeeding.  I'm sure a lot of moms out there can relate to the emotional side of this decision but I am staying positive because cutting this will allow for the girls to get their food faster and not burn too many calories.

Gaining weight so we can be Auburn Tigers! 

Adeline in orange & Maralee in blue

Friends, since my last post about bitterness, I have really done a lot of thinking about our situation.  Yes, the girls need to gain weight and they are developmentally behind but I need to start looking at things from another point of view....God's point of view.  I need to see them through His eyes.  What He sees are two precious little girls that He saved from death.  He brought them out of the valley of darkness and into the light of His love.  He carried them through the muck and the mire and has landed them on high ground.  These girls are a miracle and I should see them for who they are and not compare them to other children.  We will forever be unique and I need to follow God's plan for their future and not what is "normal."  My mom sat me down last week and told me how thankful I should be that I got to leave the hospital with my babies.  So many moms suffer the hardship of miscarriage or their child not surviving the NICU but God chose our girls to live for a reason.  He has big plans for these little preemies and I need to do my best to raise them to be followers of Christ.  When I let sadness and bitterness take root, I am hindering them from their purpose in life.  My attitude just has to change.

Our little sweet potatoes!

Maralee & Adeline

20 weeks

Every day I see the girls making progress.  Both girls can roll over from their stomach to their backs.  They love to pump their little legs and hold their heads up.  It is so cute to see how full of wonder they have become.  As I stare at my little girls, I know that God is developing them just as they should be.  I am so proud to be their mom and I want them to grow up knowing how special they truly are to this world.  Adeline and Maralee are little miracles and I thank my God for them.

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

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2 Bad Boy

The past week has been really fun watching the girls grow.  Last Thursday, they both weighed in at 7.1 pounds!  We had to pack up some of the preemie sleepers...very bittersweet!

 Movin' on up to tiny newborn clothes!

Since we have reached the seven pound mark, they are really starting to progress developmentally.  They have started to focus on us when we talk to them and they like to look at the hanging toys on their swings and chairs.  It has been really amusing to watch them think, "Hey, what's this?"  One thing that I have already noticed is they can focus in on the television screen when I am feeding them.  I do not want to start a bad habit of them watching t.v. but it is fun to see their eyes get big when they focus on the images.

Also, they are starting to hold up their necks.  It is too cute because they start out strong and then it starts to wobble right before they can't hold it anymore.  Raleigh, always the one that thinks they are so strong, decided to test out the Bumbo seat this weekend.  They aren't quite ready for it but they did good for about a minute!

Maralee trying out the Bumbo!

19 weeks

Um, dad, I don't think I fit in this yet!

Adeline, 19 weeks

I really needed this encouragement in their growth this week.  One thing that I have been struggling with is bitterness.  All of my friends have these healthy little babies that are pudgy and developmentally on track and it has been hard for me not to compare. I know our girls adjusted age is almost two months, but they are still smaller than most newborns.  It is also hard to talk about them to strangers when they ask how old my babies are.  I have to explain that technically they are five months but they were born premature.  I asked Raleigh the other day when he thought we could stop explaining our girls prematurity and he informed me that I better get used to it!  Sunday, I went to church for the first time ever by myself while Raleigh kept the girls.  It was so good to be back at St. James but it was also really hard to go alone. I want to walk in as a family with two cuties in smocked dresses and have people love on them.  That just isn't going to be a reality for a while, I'm afraid.

Struggling with bitterness is like wading in shark-filled waters.  It can totally eat me alive if I let it.  The other night, I was really tired so I went to bed early but before I turned out the light I decided to read my journal from last year.  I treasure my journals because it automatically brings me back to that specific time in my life and all of those feelings.  Well, one of my first journal entries was a sermon series that our preacher did on joy killers.  He said that the three things that can kill joy in my life are selfishness, bitterness, and fear.  Hebrews 12:15 says, "Look after each other so that not one of you will fail to find God's best blessings.  Watch out that no bitterness takes root among you, for as it springs up it causes deep trouble, hurting many in their spiritual lives."  I had to really sit back and ponder over that verse the other night.  I realized that if I let myself roll around in the pit of bitterness I might never get out of it.  If I were to let it steal my joy, I would forever be comparing my girls to others their own age.  In doing this, I would lose friendships and wouldn't be an example of Christ to others, therefore, I would be 'hurting many in their spiritual lives.'

So, how do I not get eaten alive by bad boy bitterness?  I have to focus on God's power, not my own problems!  "For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose" (Philippians 2:13).  I have to stop focusing on the negative and remain in the positive.  I am SO grateful for our girls and the progress they are making.  Also, God chose us to go on this crazy journey for a reason.  We asked him to use us and this is how he did it.  Our girls are alive and healthy and we owe Him the joy that we have in our lives.

After I read that entry, I started to flip through my journal reading some of my other thoughts.  Last year was all about letting go of my fear and making the change to follow Him.  On more than one occasion I admired how He had answered my prayers.  Of course, they were all answered in His time, but to actually see how He was with me gave me such peace.  With peace, comes joy.  With joy, comes faith.  With faith, comes an uncontainable love for the One and Only Christ.

Thank you God for the joy you have given me!  Bye, bye, bad boy bitterness!

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

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1 Graduation Day

It is raining tonight in Montgomery and I am in the exact mood as it looks outside...dreary, cold, and stormy.  We had a busy day today - I went to the hospital three different times.  The first visit was the 11:00 feed and we tried nursing.  This past Saturday was our first time trying this with the girls and they are slowly getting the hang of it.  I have to admit it is much harder than it looks.  Of course, I read all about how the baby will just latch on and how it is a natural process but that just isn't the case with us.  With the girls being premature, they have to be taught everything...breathing, eating, and yes, latching on.  The lactation consultant says that they are doing well for their size and it will come with time.  On Monday, I prayed to have patience with this new endeavor and it has helped me to relax while they try to learn this process.

My second visit was the 2:00 feed and Raleigh's cousins and aunts got to come to this feed.  His cousins are like his younger brothers and it was so funny seeing them around the girls.  They both were a little timid yet fascinated at the same time.  Their moms said that was probably the first time they had seen a diaper being changed...thank goodness it wasn't a dirty one or else they would have been scarred for a while!  Our nurse had Mrs. Price and I try to bottle feed the girls.  They were a little slow and sleepy but we ended up getting most of the milk down.  Right now, both girls are taking 30 cc's of milk which is about half of a bottle.  On Monday, Adeline officially drank all of her milk in one sitting...it was so exciting to watch her little cheeks move in and out gulping down  the good stuff.  Maralee accomplished this feat a week ago so now we are trying for both of them to take all of their bottle each time. Both girls are taking the bottle twice a day and trying to nurse once a day.  It is our goal to get them to take all of their feeds through a bottle/nursing before they go home.  Once home, we will more than likely try to nurse during the day and give bottles at night...we shall see closer to time.

The last visit of the day was the 5:00 with Raleigh.  We usually go to the 8:00 p.m. feed together so we can both bottle feed them but today he wanted to go early so he could rest his eyes.  He has been studying all day for his final test tomorrow.  Please pray for him to remember what he has learned and to work quickly and efficiently on the drawing part of the test.  If he passes this test, he will officially be a licensed architect!!!!!  We look forward to that becoming a reality!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today the girls are officially two months old.  They are 60 days old.  I am so proud of them.  Watching them take the bottle and try to nurse makes me want to cry because I know that they are trying so hard.  It is such hard work for them to learn how to suck, swallow, and breathe.  The competitor inside of me just wants to push them to finish a bottle even though I watch them struggle.  It is such an anxious feeling knowing that the due date is quickly approaching but also realizing that we have a lot to accomplish before we go home.  Each day I feel like something new is being reviewed on their little bodies.  This past week they each got a sign on their isolate labeled fragile bones.  Maralee's bone levels jumped drastically down so she had some intense x-rays done yesterday.  Nothing was fractured (thank goodness!) but we still have to be extra careful with them.  The sign makes me a little paranoid to be honest; we have all handled them with such care and now I feel like I might break them if I grab them the wrong way.  The girls might be small but they are actually easier to handle than a full-term baby.  Anyways, it is just a precautionary but it still weirds me out.  Also, the girls are constantly having their eyes dilated to check if their retinas are protruding.  So far, their eyes have looked fine but tonight the optometrist told us that they had stage one disease. He said this was very common in preemies but when I am told that our children have a type of disease I can't help but be concerned!  To add the cherry on top, today they also have to receive their two month old vaccinations.  In college, I did my internship at the Autism Society and I heard so many stories about how children acted different after they received vaccinations.  I know it is more of a headline with the MMR vaccine but I was still a little hesitant to give my initials today.  Trust me, I believe in vaccinating our children but I was hoping to at least talk to the pediatrician about potentially having the shots spread out a little bit.  Call me paranoid, but it is a concern of mine.  In the end, I gave them permission because I know that the NICU would not give our girls anything that they can't handle for their age and I also realize that it could potentially do the girls (and other children) more harm than good if they didn't receive these shots in a timely manner.

Recently the NICU has been busy with new babies coming in.  Today, I glanced over at a new baby boy and he was so tiny.  He looked like he was breathing on his own but I can tell he is going to be there for a while.  His dad and a family member came in today and I couldn't help but remember what they were feeling as I listened to them asking the nurse questions.  Those first couple of days were such a blur and so much information was being thrown at us.  All we knew is that our girls came early but they were doing okay.  We really had no idea how tough the road truly was ahead of us. One thing that I have struggled with is seeing other babies come and go.  We are officially the seniors that rule the hall of the NICU.  All of our other classmates have graduated to going home but we are still taking our finals.  Recently, we struck up conversation with a new couple that had a little girl in the NICU.  She was born around 33 weeks and her biggest roadblock was learning how to breast feed.  After talking to the parents, I tried to be supportive of them because I could sense how troubled they were but at the same time I wanted to shake them to make them realize that was nothing compared to what we have been through!!!! They got to room-in after two weeks and I will admit that I was very jealous.  I have hope that our day will soon come but some days it just looks so far away.

Friends, a sweet sister shared a powerful word of scripture with me.  It is a tad long but please take time to absorb each and every word.  The more I read it, the better I understand God's love for us and how we are supposed to rely on it.  When we rely on Him, we help others.  Instead of shaking that couple, I earnestly tried to encourage them because I deep down realized that even though their struggle was shorter than mine they were still struggling.  I think that goes for everybody in life.  We all have struggles - some big and some small - and we all need someone to help us.  Jesus is our Savior, our rescuer, and console.  Please take heart to these words from 2 Corinthians: "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all consolation, who consoles us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God.  For just as the sufferings of Christ are abundant for us, so also our consolation is abundant through Christ.  If we are being afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation; if we are being consoled, it is for your consolation, which you experience when you patiently endure the same suffering that we are also suffering.  Our hope for you in unshaken; for we know that as you share in our sufferings, so you also share in our consolation...He who rescued us from so deadly a peril will continue to rescue us; on him we have set our hope that he will rescue us again, as you also join in helping us by your prayers, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many." - 2 Corinthians 1:3-7, 10-11

Our praise band at church sings this great song called "Let It Rain" by Michael W. Smith.  I found this awesome You Tube video of the song to images from the movie Passion of Christ.  The text is written in another language but I don't need the text to describe the emotions.  Please spend some time listening to this song and worshiping our amazing Savior, Jesus Christ.



Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

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11 Today

Today, I have chosen to trade my sorrows for joy.  Today is not going to be a day filled with sadness and despair but it is going to be a day filled with hope and strength.  I am choosing to have a positive attitude and to not dwell in the negative.  I am choosing life instead of death.  You want to know why? I will tell you why. 

Today is the day that the Lord has made, so I am going to REJOICE and be GLAD in it!

Today my little girls are 19 days old!  This morning, my little Adeline showed me her b-e-a-utiful eyes.  

Today, our Maralee is choosing to fight off the bad guys.  

They are showing strength and progress so I need to do the same. 

Friends, I can not express how gratifying it is to Raleigh and I to know that our family is in your prayers.  We have been given an overwhelming show of prayer and love from all of you and it really is so encouraging to us.  Trust me, we read every comment, wall post and e-mail that you all send us and it really gives us strength.  Thank you for sharing your own stories of hope and suffering with us...it makes us realize that we all have problems and we all have one mighty God that takes time to listen to our needs.

A sweet girl that I have always admired shared the following verse with me as something that helped her during one of her trials.  I will admit that it struck me to my core so I have it written on my dry-erase board on my refrigerator where I can see it every time I go into the kitchen.  The verse is from Isaiah 41:10:

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"

As you can see from my previous posts, something that I have really been struggling with is fear.  Fear of the worst possible thing happening to one or both of my baby girls.  I realize that Jesus has even defeated Death itself and I believe that heaven is a far better place than earth; yet my heart longs for our little girls to stay here with us.  I want to dress them up in ribbons and pearls, have story time, and tuck them into bed at night.  My selfish desire is for our girls to stay here with us because I believe that God gave them to us as a blessing for choosing to follow Him.  I know that he can give and take away but that doesn't mean that I want him to take them away. 

Yesterday was my first day to visit the girls all by myself.  After a relaxing weekend (can you believe it?) I woke up on Monday realizing that the roller coaster was sure to take a twist very soon.  I don't know if that was negativity talking or me finally understanding that this journey is indeed a roller coaster but I woke up feeling sad.  Mid-morning we received a call from the doctor stating that Adeline had fluid around her lungs and heart so this was causing her to occasionally stop breathing.  We were also told that Maralee's test results were showing that she could possibly have a yeast infection and her platelet levels were low so she would be receiving red blood cells.  There was a possibility that if Maralee's platelets remained low that this could cause bleeding to her brain, which of course, freaked me out.  As I was visiting with the girls that afternoon, I got teary-eyed just looking at them.  Maralee was moved to a room all by herself since she was still on medicine for her staff infection.  That infection is getting better but the nurses want to make sure that no other babies receive it and we all have to wear plastic gloves and yellow robes to even enter into her room.  It made me feel like there was something wrong with her, like she was the kid being told that she couldn't play on the swings with all the other kids.

After leaving the hospital and arriving home to an empty house, I began reading a book about attitude.  Usually, I tend to have a positive outlook on life and I'm the type of girl that chooses to see the glass half-full.  I know you half-empty gals get annoyed at times due to the shiny-ness of the half-fullers but it helps for me to see the good in things.  As I began to read, I quickly realized that I was viewing this situation through a  half-empty glass.  I have been letting my fear bring worry and an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Guilt has plagued me the past two weeks for delivering them so early.  I haven't enjoyed getting my body back because deep down I feel like my stomach should be growing instead of decreasing right now.  I have been dealing with so many emotions and it has been difficult for me to see the joy instead of the pain.

Today, I am choosing to not let my fear consume me.  I am choosing to be joyful that I have been able to spend 19 crazy days with our sweet girls.  Today, I saw the red tape outside of Maralee's door as the blood of Jesus protecting her instead of the mark of satan trying to get to her.  Today, I saw Adeline's progress and not her sickness.  Today, I am choosing to

This IS the day that the Lord has made and with God ALL things are possible!

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

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0 I Am Second

I'm sure you all are aware of a little football game played last Thursday night. As Texas took on Alabama, the number one team going into the BCS National Championship we all watched in shock as Colt McCoy, the Texas quarterback, was removed from the game when he was hit during a play by an Alabama defensive player.

We all know how the game ended. Alabama walked away as the number one team for this season in football. I know my dad, one of the biggest Alabama fans in this state, was a very happy camper that night.

But, that's not what this post is about tonight. It's not about who won and who lost. It's not about which team we were cheering for or what we thought the game was going to be like. It's about the Christian character that was shown by Colt McCoy that night as he watched from the sidelines his last football game in his college career.

Anybody that has ever played any sport can totally relate to the emotions he was feeling that night. Athletes have so much heart for their sport. It is more than a game. The game tests the athlete and develops inner character. Below is the post-game interview that was given to Colt. Check out what he had to say:



We all face unexpected trials in life. Are we going to let that curve ball control us or are we going to let someone far greater be in control of our lives?

*I am second is a movement where significance in life is a shared value among people of all kinds. Actors. Athletes. Musicians. Business leaders. Your next door neighbor. People just like you. Their authentic stories here on iamsecond.com provide insight into dealing with typical struggles of everyday living. You'll meet people who overcame destructive lifestyles. Plus you'll discover those who've tried to go at it alone and have failed, yet still found a life full of hope, peace, and fulfillment.

Take a look at Colt's I am Second video:



Do you see yourself as second? I think we should all take some time to think about where we rate ourselves in life. To see more I Am Second videos, click here.

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

*iamsecond.com. What is I Am Second?.

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0 Have you ever seen the rain?

I am one of those people that needs to eat and sleep. If I don't, I get very cranky and irritable. It is a horrible trait, yes I know, but it is who I am and those around me have learned to deal with it over the years. A perfect example of my meltdown mode happened this summer when my family went to Disney World. On our last full day before we went home, the Ridley's went to the classic Magic Kingdom. This was mine and Raleigh's first time to go to Disney together so we were excited for the photo opps and to ride Space Mountain together. But, when I woke up that morning, I was cranky. I tried to have a better attitude when I was getting ready because of the great time I knew we would have that day and I didn't want to spoil it. When we finally arrived to Disney, my spirits were momentarily lifted as we walked into this land where dreams really do come true. But, as the camera started flashing in front of Cinderella's palace, I got hot. Miserably hot. And sweaty. I had actually straightened my hair that day (why? I don't know) and it instantly went into a pony tail. While trying to grin and bear the heat I got snappy and was not a fun person to be around. We headed toward Tomorrowland and I cooled off a little because most of the shows were inside. I made it to lunch and got re-rejuvenated with some food. I started smiling and joking around and thought to myself, "This is gonna be a good day."

After lunch, we headed toward the teacups and things started to spin downward from there. I love kids and I can't wait to take my kids to Disney one day, but being around a bunch of screaming kids in a way too crowded space started making me frustrated. We had eight people in our party and finally we got Na Na a wheelchair but it was crazy trying to all stay together!!!! We quickly finished up that part of the kingdom and headed toward the Pioneer Land section because Paw Paw had to see the Hall of Presidents. Well, it was under construction, wouldn't ya know. By that point, I was hot, tired, and hungry again so my meltdown started to happen. Raleigh, bless his soul, firmly told me to sit down and wait for him to get me something to go into my stomach. He came back with a Mickey Mouse bar for us to share but I ended up eating all of it. Oh, it was cold and chocolaty and just delicious in my mouth. Mickey cured my meltdown momentarily.

After I got that sugar high, we had a good afternoon riding Smokey Mountain and some other rides in that area. One of the last rides we rode was Splash Mountain. For anybody that has ridden Splash Mountain, it looks really scary and wet but in actuality most of the time you do end up staying pretty dry and the ride is refreshing because the mist cools you off. I'm not a huge roller coaster fan, but I can handle Splash Mountain so I was looking forward to this ride. As we go through the ride, we are having a good ole time singing "Zippity-do-da" and then we take a small dip around the half-way point. For some reason, our little cart was not on the correct schedule as the attraction, and when we went on the dip, the water that is supposed to shoot over your head ended up shooting straight in our laps! Raleigh, me and my dad got soaked!!! I mean, sopping wet! After the ride was over, it was time for me to go home.

Last night, I had a similar experience at the Auburn game. We played West Virginia and we had a great time during the day tailgating with Raleigh's architecture friends. We knew there was a chance of rain so we came prepared with rain jackets. We got into the stadium an hour before kickoff and as soon as we sat in our seats, the rain started coming. It was a torrential downpour! There was nothing we could do except stay in our seats because the tunnels were jammed with people trying to get back underneath the cover. So, we sat through it. I actually had fun sitting through the rain because the stadium was playing fun songs like "Have you ever seen the rain" and "When the thunder rolls." The student section was slammed in their seats so it was fun watching everyone show their Auburn spirit regardless of the weather. Finally, the rain slowed down and they were able to start the game. By that point, I started to get chilly. I was literally soaked in every place possible and every time I stood up to cheer my dress would get stuck to my legs and when I sat down in my rented plastic seat and everything was just squishy and uncomfortable. My attitude started to change and I was ready to go. I was a terrible sport and made Raleigh leave at half-time. He was not a happy camper and I learned where the expression "Don't get your panties in a wad" came from.

In saying all of this, sometimes experiences that you look forward to just don't turn out to be fun. It is easy to get our panties in a wad and become irritable and cranky. Instead of making lemonade out of lemons, we pour too many lemons and not enough sugar into the drink making it tart and your mouth turning under instead of up. I am a firm believer that your attitude is everything. When I have a bad attitude, I end up having a bad day and make others around me have a bad day too. But, when I continue to have a positive attitude during the storm or desert or any type of experience, I shine with Jesus' love.

Friends, Jesus went through many more storms that we will ever have to go through, and he still remained true to his Father. I challenge each of us to try and have a positive attitude even when we don't feel like it. I mean, to see all of those fans stick out the game in the pouring rain.....that is passion and dedication and love. Let's have that same passion, dedication, and love towards Christ as we live our lives each and every day. So, no matter rain or shine, let's continue to let our light shine!

Till next time, let your light shine!

blessings, christen

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