4 You've Got Mail!

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
-Hebrews 12:1

Saturday, Christen and I decided we needed to get out and soak up some sun to help relax ourselves. We were getting ready to go to the Montgomery beach aka the YMCA, and I happened to check the mail before we left. Right there on top was a letter from my old friend the National Council of the Architectural Registration Board. Let me provide you with a little background information- NCARB is notorious for taking their precious time when it comes to grading tests. Two months is a fast turn around, truthfully. So to see a letter only one week after testing is unheard of - and scary. I immediately thought it must have been so obvious to them that I failed the test for a turnaround this quick. I decided to open the letter outside so I could prepare myself to break the news to Christen. I took a deep breath and told the Lord that I was thankful for everyone's support and that even though becoming a licensed architect was a goal of mine, it is not what defines me. Regardless of the outcome I would glorify his name. After this, opening the letter is like taking off a band-aid, you just have to rip it! So I did. My eyes know exactly where to look on the paper for that four letter word, it's just a matter of which four letters you get. Praise the Lord, I got a PASS.

Once again, God has poured out his blessing upon me. I was speechless in the moment. Given the craziness of that week I knew it was likely that I could fail simply because I might not be able to focus during the test. It was hard to study that week but a new determination to pass had come over me. Not only was I passing for my family and personal ambition but now I felt a strange determination not to let all of you down. You had asked God to allow me to focus and retain the knowledge I had studied. I had no doubt he would pull through, it was up to me to decide the rest. It was hard to stay up later and get up earlier than I already was that week to read a boring book on earthquake forces that don't exist in Alabama, but I could not live with myself knowing you all had asked God to help me and I had not given him my best. I also believe that God understood my need to know the results of that test so I could move on to the final test with a sense of confidence. Again, thank you all for your support and encouragement.

To God be the glory!

- Raleigh

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5 Trust and Thanksgiving

The weather is warm, school is coming to a close, and the jasmine is blooming through our neighborhoods. This is the time of the year that we all look forward to...summer. Time for vacations, time to relax, and time for us to rejuvenate our souls. Typically, our summers are filled with weekend trips to the beach where we lay out all day and enjoy the delicious seafood by night. We ride in the boat with the wind whipping through our hair and we soak up the glorious sunshine rays as the day goes by. Summertime is blissful time and I anxiously wait for this warm weather to come every single year.

This summer, things are a little different. Instead of sunshine, our little girls are basking under jaundice lights so their skin won't turn yellow. Rather than riding on a boat, the most wind I get in my hair has been from my hands nervously running through my curls. I get lucky if I take the time to smell the jasmine on my rather short walk around the block. This summer is different, that is for sure.

But, for some reason, I am starting to thank God for this summer. I am starting to thank Him for this experience and I have begun to sacrifice my warm lazy days for relentless prayer to my Savior. This summer I am not going on vacation but I am going on a spiritual journey where my destination is to grow my faith and trust in God Almighty.

Yesterday, that faith and trust was severely tested. Our dear Adeline took a turn for the worst as her little body became susceptible to an infection in her blood. The doctor told us that she got really bad really fast but they were able to treat her with antibiotics. Raleigh had told me of her condition at lunch as we shared fried chicken with our moms and grandparents. Instead of enjoying this southern favorite, my stomach could hardly handle looking at my plate. I put on a "happy face" as I warned our families of the latest news and told them that everything was going to be alright and they could still see the girls. After ringing the bell to enter the NICU, the nurse that greeted us told me that I could only have one guest because of her "condition." As mom and I scrubbed in, my gut started to get nervous. Walking over to her little incubator, I was not prepared for what I saw. Her skin was an awful sickly pale color and her neck had swollen up to three times of its normal size. She looked lifeless and I could barely see her little breaths that were being provided to her from the ventilator. All of a sudden, I couldn't take it anymore. As I burst into tears, the sweet nurses started to comfort me. It was just too much for me to handle.

I thought, haven't we been through enough? First Maralee and now Adeline? Then, my head realized what my heart had already figured out. Tuesday night, I was reading the lesson from my new devotional, Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young. The lesson began with this line..."Thank ME for your problems." It then states, "Ask Me to show you My way to handle the situation." As I stared down at that page Tuesday night I really had trouble digesting the fact that I was supposed to be thankful for this problem. I am thankful for the lessons that are being learned but I have struggled with being thankful to see my girls going through so much suffering.

That night, as I cried tears on Raleigh's shoulder, I began to realize that being thankful for our problems doesn't have to mean being thankful to see them hurting. Being thankful means being thankful that God is in control of my problem, our situation...not me. I can't carry this burden...it is totally weighing me down. Everything seems so small and insignificant to me right now compared to the battle we are fighting. And, as a new mom, I have started to carry the weight of their world on my shoulders. I have not totally trusted God...I have fear and I am scared. I want his peace but I know I don't have it right now. I know this because I have not totally sacrificed this burden to Him. God's peace is waiting for me, I have to just give up all control and totally give Him my burdens.

Last night, I picked up a book I read in college called Strong Women, Soft Hearts. As I opened the book, I landed on chapter 6 entitled, Trust: The Art of Falling Backward. I thought...hmm..okay...I'm listening. The chapter opened with this quote from C.S. Lewis, "The thing is to rely only on God. The time will come when you will regard all this misery as a small price to pay for having been brought to that dependence. Meanwhile, the trouble is that relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing has yet been done."

That quote resonated to the deepest of my being last night after having such a difficult day. I began to let the words sink in and I began to understand that this too relates to being thankful for my problems. Trust and Thanksgiving are two words that are like peanut butter and jelly when it comes to our faith in Christ. Paula Rinehart goes on to say that "Trust hangs somewhere between knowing what your heart longs for and trying to dictate the shape or timing or outcome of your heart's desire." My heart is longing for the peace of God to wrap around my soul yet I still have not completely trusted Him with my desire to raise these two little girls. I want everything to be okay but I am not letting Him in to make everything okay. Throughout my life, I have prided myself on not being a quitter but right now I want to quit being in control and start trusting that God is in control of this situation.

Just moments ago, I received an update from the doctor. He gave me great news on both Adeline and Maralee! He said that Adeline's swelling had gone down tremendously and all of her reports came back looking good. Maralee is digesting her breast milk and is coming close to being off the ventilator. Friends, I am THANKFUL!!!! Praise God that He is in control and listens to our problems! I am still on the road to complete trust yet I know that my heart is getting closer to allowing His peace to wash through my soul.

Thank you again for all of your prayers. I have complete confidence that they are being heard. I know that there are many others that are going through tough stuff right now so I thank you for thinking of us.

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

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0 Your prayers are heard

I just wanted to take a moment to let you all know how grateful and blessed christen and I truly are to be surrounded by such amazing people. I know most 'older generations' don't understand what is so amazing about tweeting and posting on other peoples walls - I confess I often wonder these things too. But in this particular moment of my life I have seen how the Lord will stop at no means to reach out to his children and that includes the Internet. As I sat in the hospital those first two nights finding it ridiculously hard to sleep, it wasn't because of the awful cot - let's just say my mind was a little active. I decided to check Facebook and see if word had gotten out yet. To say that it had, would be a bit of an understatement.

Friends, I tell you, at 2 am in a hospital there could not have been anything more comforting than the words I read. Literally hundreds of people had reached out to us through every technological means possible. I read the unending list of prayers and words of encouragement through tweets, post, texts and emails until I fell asleep to your very words. Prayers are exactly what we need and you all continue to provide them. I pray that in someway, through our journey, you may be drawn closer to God as well. Never let anyone tell you God is outdated or that he is not present anymore, because I can assure you that he was on my iPhone that Friday night!

- Raleigh

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5 We must protect this house

Today has been an interesting day.  It seems that the Price house is a little on edge right now.  Yesterday, our neighbor's house was broken into.  Robberies can happen in any city but it really makes you aware of your surroundings when it happens in your neighborhood.  What makes it scary is I was home alone when it happened yet had no clue until Raleigh's mom came home and she saw our neighbor.  Today, Mrs. Price and I decided to go out to eat for lunch and Raleigh calls me minutes after we left saying that our house alarm was going off.  We race back home and start blaring our horn outside of our house.  I guess we thought we would be scaring off the bad guys but it ended up just being a false alarm.  I am glad because if I had seen a bad guy run out of our house I do believe I would have had a heart attack and the horn would not do us any good!!!!!

After that scare, we ate some lunch and then headed to the hospital to see the girls.  Our amazing pastors met us at the NICU so they could pray over Adeline and Maralee.  After scrubbing our hands up and down, we walked into their shared room with 17 other little ones and started to receive the updated report from the nurse and doctor.  Turns out, the little infection that Maralee might have is actually a real staff infection.  The doctor told  us it could be caused by the ventilator tube that is down her throat right now or it could have been passed on to her from any of the doctors, nurses, etc. that have been checking her in the hospital.  She has started on antibiotics but since she has this infection she is now on quarantine.  There is a big red box around her incubator and this is to show that anybody that touches her needs to wear gloves and a sterile hospital gown.  This also means that she will probably be in isolation until she gets to go home. 

That was hard news for us to hear.  All in all, this is something that is common around the hospital but it is just an added thing for Maralee's body to fight.  It is taking a lot of willpower to not be angry at this situation.  This almost seems like something that someone else gave her; not something that was caused by her premature birth.  It is so easy to place blame on this unknown person that accidentally gave her this infection but I am starting to figure out that I can't go down this road of pointing fingers.  Through their lives, many people are going to accidentally cause harm to my children.  As their mom, I need to just go ahead and forgive this person and pray that healing will come.  As always, this is easier said than done :)

Friends, it pains me to see my little girl going through so much.  I do realize that God is taking any discomfort from her little body right now and whispering sweet things to her, but it kills me to see that red line around her "house."  I know that the red line is keeping the bad guys out but it is also keeping me out.  I want to protect her, to hold her and tell her everything is going to be alright, but even I, her mom, can't get close to her.  The little privilege that we had of touching her has been taken away and now we have to fully trust in Jesus' love for Maralee right now. 

I don't think I have told this story yet, but Maralee's name was the first name that Raleigh and I thought of for the girls.  We loved the idea of combining family names into one new name.  Maralee's name originated from my Paw Paw, Marion Jackson  and Raleigh's Nan Nan, Okalee.  My Paw Paw has always been someone that I have admired.  He has such faith in Christ and has the lines on his hands to show his labor in life has been for the Lord.  My Paw Paw has always been on the smaller side but boy could he run back in his day!  His nickname was Jack "Rabbit" and he ran track and played football for Auburn.  Raleigh's grandmother is also someone to admire because she has shown such strength for so many years.  Her husband died of a heart attack when Raleigh was young but she continues on with her life.  She cooks, goes to work, and has even learned how to use the computer. :)  She is truly a woman of noble character that knows how to keep her family together. 

Since we chose Maralee's name first, we decided to give it to Baby B.  It was our way of making things fair for Baby A.  Looking at both of my girls, I know that their names already fit their personalities.  The name Adeline reminds me of "Sweet Caroline" and I think she looks so sweet and peaceful laying in her incubator.  She doesn't move much yet she loves to hold our hands when we touch her.  Inside my womb, I always felt Baby B kicking and squirming around and Maralee is obviously that baby now.  She is a little fighter and she isn't going to let this yucky mess get the best of her. 

I look down at Maralee and she reminds me that I need to be a fighter too.  I need to be strong and show courage when I get these kind of reports.  It is so hard because I feel like the devil is using her to get to me.  He knows that we thought of her name first so he is attacking her harder than Adeline right now.  It is symbolic to me that the line around her incubator is red.  The color red can easily be associated with satan and I just pray that God's angels are inside of that red tape blocking out the arsenal that he is throwing at our baby girl.  This is truly a war that we are caught in right now. 

This afternoon, riding home in the car, Mrs. Price reminded me of the battle of the good and bad angels over Moses' body.  Deuteronomy 34:6 tells us that the Lord buried Moses and to this day no one knows where his grave is.  God buried him so the devil couldn't use Moses' remains against God's chosen people.   Hebrews 3: 1-14 tells us,

"Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess.  He was faithful to the one who appointed him, just as Moses was faithful in all God's house.  Jesus has been found worthy of greater honor than Moses, just as the builder of a house has greater honor than the house itself.  For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything.  Moses was faithful as a servant in all God's house, testifying to what would be said in the future.  But Christ is faithful as a son over God's house.  And we are his house, if we hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast.  So, as the Holy Spirit says: "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion, during the time of testing in the desert, where your fathers tested and tried me and for forty years saw what I did.  That is why I was angry with that generation, and I said, 'Their hearts are always going astray, and they have not known my ways.  So I declared on oath in my anger, 'They shall never enter my rest.'  See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God.  But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.  We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first."

Friends, many of you have been so sweet and encouraging to me as I go through this situation.  I am no superwoman, I am just a girl that became a mom and is now trying her best to hold things together.  I have to be faithful...I am nowhere near Moses, but I have to be a faithful servant to God's house right now.  I can't have a hardened heart during this situation, I have to have courage and faith in Christ.  I thank you for your daily encouragement and am so thankful for Today because it is another day that I get to share with these beautiful little girls.

Below are two pictures that I wanted to share.  In the first picture, the tube that is going through Maralee's mouth is the ventilator.  Please pray that she will start to breathe on her own so she can go back on the CPAP that is going through her nose in the second picture.  This device allows her to breathe better.  We need to pray that both girls will get on the CPAP quickly so they can start to digest their food.  Praise God that all other reports are looking good right now. 

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

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4 A Very Happy Mother's Day

So, I wasn't quite sure how I would be feeling for my very first Mother's Day.  Of course, I was extremely grateful to be celebrating this holiday for the first time, but I wasn't sure if emotionally I would be able to hold myself together.  I can officially say that I had a wonderful Mother's Day and that once again the Lord showed me his grace and love.

To start the day off, Raleigh fixed me breakfast in bed.  We had yummy cinnamon rolls (these have become a habit for us on Sunday mornings) that were cooked perfect...a little gooey in the center but firm on the edges.  After we finished breakfast, he surprised me with my first Mother's Day gift.  I looked at him in disbelief because I had no idea how he had time to get me a gift with his test last week.  My sweet husband went to the hospital one morning while I was still asleep and took these beautiful pictures of our precious little girls.  He said that the nurses were all over this little project and they were so helpful to him in this little scheme.  Thank you Dawn and Pamela!

Adeline's hand

Maralee's hand

Adeline's toes

Maralee's toes

 

After I opened my present, we got ready to head to church.  I knew that this is where I was supposed to be yesterday morning but I will admit I feared that I would totally break down in front of everyone.  We got there a little late but still got to sit with our awesome friends and joined them in worshiping our amazing Savior.  During the service, they played a song that I haven't heard before but it really struck home to me.  It was all about how God hears our requests and how He answers them.  After our rough Wednesday night, I spent some serious time in prayer on Thursday and Friday.  As I was praying for the health of our babies, I began to plead with God for them to stay with us on earth.  Friends, I truly believe that God has a greater plan than what we can see in front of us and I know ultimately that His will for our lives is what is most important.  I am trying with all of my heart to see His will in this situation but at the same time I will admit that I selfishly want the chance to raise these girls into women.  I believe that He gave us this blessing because we chose to follow Him and He knows that this has been a desire on my heart.   

Psalm 20:1, 4-5 says, "May the Lord answer you when you are in distress, may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.  May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.  We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.  May the LORD grant all your requests."

Friends, I want these little girls to come home with us one day very soon. I want to celebrate Mother's Day for many years to come.  I want to see them grow up, go to college, and marry a great guy one day.  I still fear the worst, but I can't let that fear control my life and my thoughts.  Right now, our nursery is half-way completed.  The little clothes still have their tags on them and we have so much to organize and put in its place.  Normally, I would be in hog-heaven getting to do all of this (I am so type A when it comes to organization) but my fears are making me timid.  Part of me is scared to take the tags off.....but the other part of me knows that I have to have faith that He is hearing my requests.  I can't live in fear; I have to continue to seek the good in this situation. 

So, yesterday, on Mother's Day, I chose to be happy and to celebrate me being a mom.  When we arrived at the hospital, I received another present from each of the girls.  The nurses had stamped their little footprints on some cards saying that today they were 9 days old.  Praise God that they are 9 days old!!!!!  I also received some sweet flower bouquets with a poem from Footprints Ministry.  Both of these gifts brought a smile to my face and I really enjoyed getting to love on my Adeline and my Maralee.  Thank you nurses and Footprints Ministry for being so thoughtful to us new mommies!!!!

Sweet friends, I truly want to thank you for all of your prayers and gifts.  Thank you to everyone that sent me messages yesterday, it means so much to me that you thought of me.  We believe in the power of prayer and that faith as small as a mustard seed CAN move mountains.  We are still running this marathon so please continue to pray for our family.  Specifically pray for the girls to both work on their breathing so they can move on to digesting their feedings.  Pray for me to remain positive and not let fear consume me....let me have the peace of God wash over me.  Pray for Raleigh to continue to be the leader of our family and for Him to not get overwhelmed with work, tests, and our situation.  Thank you so much again for thinking of us and we will continue to keep you all updated!

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

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2 You Hold Me Now

So, Wednesday night Raleigh and I headed to the hospital to see our sweet baby girls.  On the way, he played his new Hillsong c.d. and immediately I started to cry when the song "You Hold Me Now" started playing .  Earlier that day, I had visited the girls with both of our moms and I got a little sad. They are still too little to hold and Raleigh's mom mentioned that she knew she was "Gabby" but she just wanted to hold her grand babies so bad. It was so hard to see them with all of those tubes inside of them.  Usually, all I see are precious teeny tiny little girls but yesterday I kept seeing these images:

While this song was playing, all I could do was close my eyes and listen to the lyrics:

No weeping, no hurt or pain

No suffering You hold me now

No darkness no sick or lame

No Hiding, You hold me now,

You hold me now

Friends, this is really hard to write.  As I mentioned before, I am trying to look at the positive things and I know that this is a marathon and we are running baby steps right now but I really do want to hold my little girls.  I want to hold them and kiss them and see them open their eyes.  I wonder if they feel those tubes and if they are having a hard time through all of this.  I would have a C-section without my pain medicine again if that could take any pain from them.  I wonder, can they hear me?  Do they know that it is me that gets to touch them?  Do they feel all of this love that surrounds them?

I don't have the answers to these questions.  But, as I boo-hooed in the car on the way to the hospital, I began to experience God's love holding me now, in that moment.  And I realized that even though I can't hold Adeline and Maralee, HE IS.  He is taking away their hurt or pain.  They don't have suffering or know that they are sick.  He HOLDS THEM NOW.

Shakily, I wiped away my tears, and my husband said, "Let's go see those baby girls."  We went inside the NICU and got to spend a wonderful amount of time with the twins.  Raleigh got to see Maralee's face for the first time that night and my heart filled with joy and love as he smiled down at her.  He is such a great husband and dad.  I love him so much. 

On the way home, we continued to listen to the Hillsong c.d. but "You Hold Me Now" was still on my heart.  As I mentally played those words in my head, I heard this voice say, "This song would be great to play at Maralee's funeral."  At that moment, I didn't know what to think, wondering did I really think that?????  All of a sudden I busted into tears and asked Raleigh if they were going to die.  If Maralee was going to die.  We immediately had to pull over because neither one of us could hold back the flood gates.  As we held each other, we started to say the words of the song:

No weeping, no hurt or pain

No suffering You hold me now

No darkness no sick or lame

No Hiding, You hold me now,

You hold me now

All of a sudden, I realized the game that was being played.  Satan wanted to throw some spiritual warfare inside my head to freak me out.   He saw how well I was doing, how much I was coming to Jesus instead of him, and he got JEALOUS.  He wanted me to feel hurt and pain.  He wanted me to be in darkness.  He wanted my deepest fear to come true.  Raleigh, totally out of his normal character, was so angry- he looked as if he wanted to fight.  As we sat there, absorbing what was going on, we both realized how sick Satan really is.  How manipulative and deceiving.  He used a song that brought me comfort hours ago and turned it against me.  He is playing hardball and doesn't care if feelings and emotions get hurt.  In fact, he dwells in it, yearns for it, it is his deepest desire to turn God's children away from their father.

Sitting at the stop sign just a block from our house, we began to pray.  We prayed for God to take away our fears.  We prayed for strength and endurance.  We prayed for Him to continue to hold us.  We listened to the song and we heard:

In this life I will stand

Through my joy and my pain

Knowing there's a greater day

There's a hope that never fails

Listening to these words, our hearts filled with God's love and we realized this important fact: WE ARE ON JESUS' TEAM.  HE HAS ALREADY DEFEATED SATAN.  "Shout unto God" is another awesome song by Hillsong that fits this perfectly:

The enemy has been defeated

And death couldn't hold You down

We're gonna lift our voice in victory

We're gonna make Your praises loud

Shout unto God with a voice of triumph

Shout unto God with a voice of praise

Shout unto God with a voice of triumph

We lift Your name up

We lift Your name up

Praise Jesus that HE has already kicked Satan's butt for us.  Friends, I pleading with you....if you don't have Christ in your life, get on his team.  Life really, really stinks and hurts at times but having Him take the pain helps us to keep going.  I can't imagine being on the dark side while going through this battle.  Friends, I am praying that God just puts up an electric fence around my head and heart.  The minute satan starts to sneak into my thoughts I want him to be zapped on the highest voltage.

That will make any dog tuck his tail and run :)

TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY 

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

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6 It Wasn't Supposed to be This Way

Last Thursday began pretty similar to any other day.  My parents were in town for business so my mom and I spent the day together.  We ate a tasty lunch at Jason's Deli and went antique shopping that afternoon.  I scored two great bookshelves and only paid $60 for both.  We came home and all ate salad and spaghetti at the dinner table as a family.  Little did I know that in less than 12 hours I would be in labor delivering our precious baby girls at 27 weeks.

Friday morning began in fear and uncertainty.  The doctor told us to watch my cramps over the next hour and if we had more than four then we needed to go to the hospital.  He advised me to drink fluids and take a warm bath to relax.  As I laid in the tub trying not to cry, I had no idea that would be the last time I would see my pregnant tummy sticking out from the water.  As the hour closed, I had at least seven cramps (now I know that they were contractions!) and we rushed to the hospital. Before long, I was in a hospital gown fully dilated and found out that today would be the day I would go into delivery.  I had no bags packed, no car seats hooked up, and no time to think about any of those things.  The only thing that I could think about was THIS IS TOO EARLY.  IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY.  I got scared and I was in pain. 

When the nurses wheeled me into the operating room, I was surrounded by busy activity.  Nurses, techs, and doctors were scurrying around getting me ready for delivery.  Our wonderful doctor, Matt Phillips, advised us to do a C-section because Maralee was laying across my stomach.  I quickly agreed with the decision and he took time to pray with me before we began.  To start things off, I dangled my legs over the table and received a spinal shot.  Raleigh wasn't allowed to be in the room at that point so I made the nurse hold my hand.  Quickly my legs starting twitching and soon my lower body became completely numb as they swung me around to the delivery position.  As I lay on the table, all I saw were bright lights and lots of people.  It started to feel like the Peanut Festival on opening night and I became panicked drawing in quick short breaths.  So, I closed my eyes to block out the confusion.

With my eyes closed, I did the only thing I knew I could do at this point.  PRAY.  I prayed for the doctors, I prayed for the nurses, I prayed, prayed, prayed, for the safety and health of my little girls, and I prayed for my fear of the delivery process.  By that point, I felt a familiar hand grasp mine, and I knew my husband was by my side.  He rubbed my hair, kissed my forehead, and gave me the earthly encouragement that I needed.  I kept my eyes closed throughout the whole delivery and just continued to pray the same prayer over and over:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Soon enough the procedure was over and Dr. Phillips said that I had courage.  That made me feel good because just this week I was reading about how courage helps to define your character.  I had crossed over the bridge and now officially joined the team of motherhood.  All in all, it wasn't as bad as I had feared and I thank God that He created smart people to engineer medicine drugs that take the bullet for you. :)

After that, I was wheeled into the recovery room.  My legs began to tingle as they slowly woke up from sleep and that was when we first met Dr. Millage from the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). He spoke honestly and told us that our babies were doing well but not great.  His eyes didn't quite meet ours and that made me realize that he really meant what he was saying.  As he left, he assured us that the situation could be a lot worse and that there was hope for them to feeling great.   That was really hard to digest at that moment but it gave me the confidence that I needed so I wouldn't begin to worry.

Over the next couple of days, I recovered in room 248.  The nurses took excellent care of me and I learned how to breast pump from a woman named Psyche.  They were awesome and I can not say thank you enough to the nurses at Baptist East.  THANK YOU!!!  

Quickly my days were filled with visits from family and friends.  Even though I didn't always feel great, it was really great to see everyone.  Their visits kept me smiling and upbeat and I really felt assured that our babies were doing well.  My mom was AWESOME at taking care of me and my sweet husband never left my side.  Both of our families came to our rescue over the weekend.  When they weren't at the hospital, they were cleaning, organizing, and taking care of the daily needs of our home and puppies.  We are beyond grateful for them giving so much of themselves during our desperate time of need.  Now, more than ever, I really appreciate our families and am so THANKFUL that they can get along and be apart of our team.  Mr. and Mrs. Price, Gunter, KB, Mom, Dad, & Courts.....WE LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!

During my stay in the hospital; physically I was in recovery from pain and emotionally I was doing well under the circumstances. The NICU kept us informed and it was comforting to know that Adeline and Maralee were right down the hall.  On Tuesday, Dr. Phillips made his rounds and asked me if I was experiencing any post-par tum depression and I assured him that I was okay.  It really helped me to talk to my friend Katie because she and her husband were at the tail-end of their son's stay in the NICU.  Seeing them go through their experience gave us the assurance that tons of babies are delivered premature yet they grow up into healthy, strong babies just like the full-term ones. 

After Dr. Phillips left my room quoting scripture, I sat in my hospital bed absorbing our conversation.  Tuesday was my last day in the hospital, and I began to feel homesick from room 248.  I had not been outside since Friday morning and my brain started to digest the fact that the real world was right outside of those sliding glass doors.  As much as I was looking forward to sleeping in my own bed with my husband, and seeing my puppy dogs, I started to miss my little square inch room.  I started to miss the girls being right down the hall.  That day, I realized all of the things that I missed.  I missed picking out cute pajamas to wear in the hospital.  I missed packing my bags and having them on stand-by.  I missed being in the "rapid growth stage" of my final months of pregnancy.  I missed being able to wear those cute maternity clothes while eating petit fours at my baby shower that was supposed to be on Sunday.  I missed hearing my babies cry as they entered into the world.  They couldn't cry because their lungs weren't fully developed yet.  I missed taking the picture of mom looking gross yet so beautiful as she held her precious newborn for the very first time.  On Tuesday, as I waited for Raleigh to pull the truck around to the entry of the hospital, I became well aware that I was leaving the hospital without our babies. As we exited onto I-85, the tears started flowing.

That was the first time I had cried since they were delivered.  I needed to cry and it was overall a happy cry twinged with sadness.  It is just hard to absorb all of those little things.  We all "think" we know how things are going to happen but once again God showed me that it was His timing, not mine.  He knew the babies would be entering this world on April 30, 2010, before He even created me twenty-five years ago.  He is teaching me with this experience that once again I am not in control of my life.  I have given my life to Him, and now I have to trust His guidance.  As Raleigh and I talked, I began to really see how God had planned for them to born on that day.  If they had been born on Saturday, Raleigh would have missed their births because he was supposed to go on a rafting trip that weekend.  If I had continued to work, I would have had those babies on the Relay For Life track that night.  On their birthday, Raleigh got a message that the babies furniture had arrived.  My dad's business seminar just "happened" to be in Prattville on Thursday and Friday.  I didn't get freaked out when I saw our babies for the first time all wrapped in wires and tubes because my job in Birmingham required me to be around sick cancer patients every single day.

Friends, these things are not coincidence.  God is SO in control of our lives.  Wiping away my tears, I stopped comparing my pregnancy to what I missed.  I started to think about what I have been given.  Things like....

I got to touch Adeline's little bitty knee

The nurse let me change Maralee's diaper for the first time

The other night, Adeline held my finger in her delicate hands

 

Yesterday, I finally saw Maralee's face for the very first time

I love these little girls so much.  We are taking baby steps but they are steps that are in the right direction.  Thank you friends for your prayers and love.  We really need it right now.

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

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