3 Transfer

Hey everyone, please say an extra prayer for Maralee today.  The doctor has informed us that she is going to be transported to Children's Hospital in Birmingham.  I will follow up later with all the details once I actually know them myself.   In the meantime, please pray for her safety as she travels as well as her safety through the procedure once she arrives.  Thank you.

-Raleigh

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1 Two Words

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, his love endures forever" -Psalm 106:1

Happy Friday everyone! Today, our girls are one month old!!!!!  This morning, as I sat outside, I reveled in the thought that the girls were born exactly one month ago today.  I reflected upon this past month - the happiness, sadness, fear, love - all emotions that I have felt and I thanked God for where we are in life.  It has certainly been a roller coaster of a month and we are still on the ride, but I am thankful for the experience.

 Adeline likes to sleep when I hold her!

 Raleigh getting some love from Maralee

Today, I would like to say a special thank you to all of you!  Thank you for your love, prayers, and gifts.  We have had so much support from all of you and for that we are forever grateful.  Thank you for joining us on this journey!!!

 We have gotten so many sweet cards it was hard for me to take a picture of all of them!

Thank you for your encouraging words!!!

Finally, I would like to say a very special thank you to all the nurses and doctors at the Baptist East NICU.  Without  your care, our girls would not be alive today.  We thank you from the bottom of our hearts for loving our little girls and for being so good to our family.  We know that they are receiving the best care from all of you.  Through this experience, we have gained new friendships and a deep respect for what you do for our babies.  Each of you share our happiness and comfort us during the scary times...we truly appreciate your support more than you will ever know.  And for that, all we can say is THANK YOU!!!!!

Thank You NICU!!!!

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

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3 Smitten

Almost ten years ago, my sweet husband began to knock me off my feet.  We started dating my senior year of high school and the whole year we wondered if we would be able to continue dating when I went off to college and he stayed in Dothan to start his final year of high school.  That year, he truly did everything he could to convince me that it was possible for us to continue dating in a long distance relationship.  One night, about this time of the year, he surprised me with a very romantic date.  He picked me up in his green Explorer and told me that he had a surprise for me.  I believe I had to cover my eyes with a bandanna as he drove so I wouldn't know where we were going in our very familiar town.  As we zipped and turned around the corners, I had no idea what he had up his sleeve or where we were going.  Finally, I was able to remove the bandanna from my eyes and to my confusion we were at the local soccer complex.  I looked at Raleigh Price with a bewildered eye because surely he didn't expect me to play soccer in my sundress?!?  He gave me a smile and told me that tonight we would not be playing soccer but we would need to go out on the field for me to get my surprise.  Hand in hand, we walked to the center of the field and there before me he had laid out a blanket, c.d. player, food, and a box.  As we sat down on the blanket, he told me to open up the box for my first surprise.  Anxiously, I unwrapped the box and inside I found a star-gazing kit.  After opening up the kit, we laid on our backs and tried to figure out which constellations we were looking at.  After gazing for a bit, Raleigh told me to look for one particular star and after finding it, he looked at me and told me that was my star.  He had bought a star just for me!  I was shocked and in love all at the same time!!!!

The night did not end with that surprise.  After giving him a kiss and a hug, he turned on the c.d. player and asked me to dance.  I was a bit nervous because cars were driving by heading to the late-night baseball games but I took his hand anyways and we danced to the song, "Dancing in the Moonlight."  It was very "A Walk to Remember" but I didn't care....he had me smitten by the end of the evening.  Afterwards, I called my best friend and told her all about our romantic evening.  For days, my heart was so full I really felt like I was floating.

On Saturday, I got that same feeling all over again looking down at my sweet baby girls.  It is a feeling that is indescribable yet so gratifying to know that these little people were created from the love shared by their parents.  Raleigh and I both agreed that the kisses we got to plant on their foreheads were by far the best kiss of the day! :)

I knew from the moment I started dating Raleigh that he was a guy that I could have in my life for a very long time.  We always knew each other through playing soccer and mutual friends, but we didn't really hang out until one Friday night the beginning of my senior year.  From that moment on, our personalities just clicked and he became one of my best friends.  We have gotten to share so much of our lives with each other already and I am so thankful that we are sharing this experience together. A week before the babies were born, my Esther's Women bible study met at our house and we each received a gift and a scripture verse.  My gift was a deer antler and the verse that accompanied it was Psalm 91:1-2, "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and fortress, my God in whom I trust."  

When we started discussing the gift and the scripture, I shared that the antlers were a visual image to me of control.  As I have mentioned before, I am very Type A and I like to plan and have control of my days.  Since I have stopped working, I have really had to have a personality of submittance to my husband and let him have more control over our family life, finances, etc.  At first, I struggled with that loss of control because I felt like my days weren't as worthwhile as they used to be even though I was staying very busy and disciplined while at home.  It was not a coincidence that the verse that correlated with the antlers was about having a shelter (aka a "home") and trusting in the Lord.  As a constant student, I once again learned that evening that I need to put my home and our family in the hands of our Most High.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  We have gone back to that verse many times over the past three years but it certainly rings true during this time of affliction.  I had to patiently wait seven years to accept Raleigh as my husband and now the Lord is teaching me patience as our girls grow each day.

Friends, thank you so much for your prayers and for sharing with us in our joys and sorrows.  Please continue to keep our family in your prayers.  The girls have been doing so well the past couple of days and today we started to hit a dip on this roller coaster.  To our amazement, both girls are breathing completely on their own so that is a huge accomplishment.  Now, our giants to conquer are feeding and infections.  Maralee might have a new infection so they started her on a new medicine.  Since she is still having to take another medication for her yeast infection, she has to have two different I.V.'s in her body.  Because of her being premature, her little veins can only handle so much and the nurses are having to constantly re-stick her so the I.V's can function right.  Also, today we found out that both girls have stopped taking breast milk because their little tummies weren't digesting it properly.  I had to give them a fresh sample of my milk so they can culture it for bacteria.  If bacteria shows up, they will have to take formula.  This was hard for me to hear because we are firm believers in the power of mamma's milk and it made me feel like I was giving them sour milk.  In the end, what matters most is that they get what they need to start packing on the pounds but I was just hoping it would be breast milk.

Maralee showing off her baby blues

Adeline getting some tummy time

This is quite a journey but Christ is quite the Savior.  I am so thankful for his love and for him giving me a family to love.  I pray that each of you take time out of your day to soak up his love for you.

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

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14 Cloud 9

"Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting" -Psalm 126:5

Oh, my goodness, I have the greatest news to share!  This weekend was the best it has been in a very long time.  On Saturday, the girls' nurse called and told us to make sure we brought our camera with us when we came to visit.  She wouldn't tell us why so I was itching to get over to the hospital.  I tried not to get too excited or think too much about what it is we would need our camera for, but my thoughts were that we would see the girls without their CPAP breathing machines or that they would be sharing the same incubator.  When we arrived, the surprise was so much more than I thought it would be.  As we scrubbed in and walked to the girls room, I was shocked to see the nurse holding little Adeline in a sweet bundle.  I looked at them in disbelief and they told me that I could hold my little girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh, what a joy!!!!!  I am not kidding, Saturday was by far one of the greatest days of my life :)  She was wide awake and stared at me with these big dark blue eyes.  After I got my love from Adeline, I got to hold Maralee as well.  Raleigh and I were in hog heaven this weekend.  Holding them made this whole experience even more gratifying and real.  God is so good to us!!!!  Thank you friends for your prayers....I know they have helped the girls make progress on this difficult journey.  I have a ton of pictures to show you so I hope you enjoy them as much as I do!!!!!!

Our first family photo!  Raleigh, Adeline, Maralee, Christen

Getting to hold Adeline for the very first time...she was light as a feather!

I will never forget looking into her eyes for the first time!  It made me really feel like her mommy!!!!

Meet Miss Adeline :)  
They are still developing their "baby" features and I think it is too cute that they look like old ladies right now with their breathing tubes :)  

(The tube in her mouth is her feeding tube)

Proud Daddy :)  

Raleigh holding Adeline for the first time

I love this picture!  They look identical to me!!!!

Me and Maralee

Their little toboggans were still so big on their heads!

Maralee was a sleepy baby 

"You had me at hello!"

Raleigh is already so in love with his little girls!!!!

We are proud parents, yes indeed!

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

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2 Catching Up

Hey Friends,

We just wanted to post some pictures for you all to see how big two pounds really is.  The pictures don't really do their size justice but it is neat to see the proportions. Also, below we have some links to older blog posts that will get you up to speed on our family and faith in Christ. Thank you again for praying for our little girls! 

Why we started The Uncontainable Truth

Getting the desires of our hearts

Gotta have faith

How we came up with the names Adeline and Maralee

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

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2 Genuine Faith

Beep. Beep. BEEEEEP!!!!!

Last night, those were the continuing sounds that I heard  from the machines keeping our girls alive as we visited with them in the NICU.  As we walked into the nursery, we noticed that Adeline had been moved into the same room as Maralee because she too had developed a staff infection.  We hate it that her little body has to fight yet another infection but I am beginning to realize that if one of our girls gets sick than the other is likely to follow.  We began to put on the lovely yellow robe and blue plastic gloves when all of a sudden her machine starts blinking red like our emergency car flashers.  Raleigh and I take a seat outside of her room as the nurses scramble around to fix her breathing tube.  Turns out that the ventilator was stuck in her throat so they ended up taking it out and putting her on the CPAP breathing tube through her nose.  The rest of the night she seemed to enjoy having the CPAP because she kept moving her tongue around.  It was like she was saying, "Yes! Freedom!"  It was so neat because for a minute I actually got to hear her breathe before they put the top back on the incubator. 

Sister did not like Adeline getting all of the attention so Maralee began to pull one of Adeline's old tricks and stop breathing.  Earlier that day she had been switched to a CPAP as well but it didn't fit quite right in her nose.  Because it was a little snug, the air wasn't streaming in like it was supposed to.  The nurses ended up switching her to a larger CPAP but  her heart rate would drop occasionally.  When the babies do this, the nurses start to press on their feet and hands to get them to "wake up" from sleeping so soundly.  It happens a lot but I never get used to all of the sounds.  It scares me to see the numbers get so low but the Lord always relieves my fears and pushes those numbers back to normal mode. Needless to say, they kept their sweet nurse busy last night and my nerves were shot by the time I left! 

With each beeping sound, God is teaching me to put my trust in Him.  He is the ultimate physician and can breathe new life into anybody; anytime anywhere.  This morning, as I was sitting on my back porch I relished in the beauty of God's creations.  I thanked him for the birds, trees, and even the little squirrel that was scampering around our fence.  If God pays so much attention to these things, I know He is taking even greater care for my little girls.  He has allowed for Adeline's fluid to decrease around her lungs and heart and I know that he is continuing to heal both girls' staff infections.  I have hope that they will do well on their new breathing apparatus so they can eventually have enough strength to breathe on their own. 

Yesterday, one of my friends told me a sweet story that gave me so much joy.  She and her husband had shared our prayer concern at a local church and the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to pray for our family.  My friend told me that an eleven year old boy raised his hand and asked if he could pray for Adeline and Maralee.  She told me that by the time he was done praying that there was not a dry eye in the building.  God is not only using our story to glorify his kingdom but he is using our story to influence others.  Children continue to amaze us with their simple faith in Christ.  That little boy was not scared to pray for our girls because he believes in the power of prayer.  It excites me to wonder what else God has in store for that boy as he gets older and more mature in his faith. 

Friends, I have realized that God always has his hand stretched out to reach me in times of suffering and joy.  He has openly asked for me to have a relationship with him and to trust him with my life.  When I say the word "relationship" that means that it is two-sided.  I have decided to partake in that relationship because I realize that I can't do this life on my own.  The reason this blog began in the first place was because I felt Jesus really tugging at my heart.  I had accepted Him as my savior years ago but I have always struggled with what my purpose in life was.  So, I began to pray for Him to use me and for me to be open to His will for my life.  For some crazy reason, he put writing on my heart and that was how this all began.  The blog is called "The Uncontainable Truth" because of this scripture,  

"You are the light of the world.  A city on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl.  Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:14-16).

After discovering that his truth just can't be contained, I realized that my purpose in life is to be a disciple of Christ.  I believe that right now, he is using this blog and this situation to bring others to Him through prayer, worship, and fellowship.  1 Peter 1:3-9 says,

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!  In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade - kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.  In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.  Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

Our faith in Christ is 'of greater worth than gold' and the more we show him our faith the more "genuine" we become as Christians.  We start to live in love, hope, and peace and "are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy."  When we get to this point in our relationship with him, we have fulfilled our purpose in life and have reached our goals. 

Even though our family is going through this trial, I still know that I have God's love because I believe in him.  I am starting to realize that this trial is bringing triumph to God's kingdom.  It is making my faith more genuine and I feel his love for me and my children even though I can't see him. I pray that each of you have this feeling in your hearts.  If you don't have it, just ask for it.  We all deserve it and He wants all of us to have his love.  We just have to have faith and believe, just like that little boy, that God loves us and wants us to live our lives for Him.  When we do that, we truly are the light of the world.

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

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11 Today

Today, I have chosen to trade my sorrows for joy.  Today is not going to be a day filled with sadness and despair but it is going to be a day filled with hope and strength.  I am choosing to have a positive attitude and to not dwell in the negative.  I am choosing life instead of death.  You want to know why? I will tell you why. 

Today is the day that the Lord has made, so I am going to REJOICE and be GLAD in it!

Today my little girls are 19 days old!  This morning, my little Adeline showed me her b-e-a-utiful eyes.  

Today, our Maralee is choosing to fight off the bad guys.  

They are showing strength and progress so I need to do the same. 

Friends, I can not express how gratifying it is to Raleigh and I to know that our family is in your prayers.  We have been given an overwhelming show of prayer and love from all of you and it really is so encouraging to us.  Trust me, we read every comment, wall post and e-mail that you all send us and it really gives us strength.  Thank you for sharing your own stories of hope and suffering with us...it makes us realize that we all have problems and we all have one mighty God that takes time to listen to our needs.

A sweet girl that I have always admired shared the following verse with me as something that helped her during one of her trials.  I will admit that it struck me to my core so I have it written on my dry-erase board on my refrigerator where I can see it every time I go into the kitchen.  The verse is from Isaiah 41:10:

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"

As you can see from my previous posts, something that I have really been struggling with is fear.  Fear of the worst possible thing happening to one or both of my baby girls.  I realize that Jesus has even defeated Death itself and I believe that heaven is a far better place than earth; yet my heart longs for our little girls to stay here with us.  I want to dress them up in ribbons and pearls, have story time, and tuck them into bed at night.  My selfish desire is for our girls to stay here with us because I believe that God gave them to us as a blessing for choosing to follow Him.  I know that he can give and take away but that doesn't mean that I want him to take them away. 

Yesterday was my first day to visit the girls all by myself.  After a relaxing weekend (can you believe it?) I woke up on Monday realizing that the roller coaster was sure to take a twist very soon.  I don't know if that was negativity talking or me finally understanding that this journey is indeed a roller coaster but I woke up feeling sad.  Mid-morning we received a call from the doctor stating that Adeline had fluid around her lungs and heart so this was causing her to occasionally stop breathing.  We were also told that Maralee's test results were showing that she could possibly have a yeast infection and her platelet levels were low so she would be receiving red blood cells.  There was a possibility that if Maralee's platelets remained low that this could cause bleeding to her brain, which of course, freaked me out.  As I was visiting with the girls that afternoon, I got teary-eyed just looking at them.  Maralee was moved to a room all by herself since she was still on medicine for her staff infection.  That infection is getting better but the nurses want to make sure that no other babies receive it and we all have to wear plastic gloves and yellow robes to even enter into her room.  It made me feel like there was something wrong with her, like she was the kid being told that she couldn't play on the swings with all the other kids.

After leaving the hospital and arriving home to an empty house, I began reading a book about attitude.  Usually, I tend to have a positive outlook on life and I'm the type of girl that chooses to see the glass half-full.  I know you half-empty gals get annoyed at times due to the shiny-ness of the half-fullers but it helps for me to see the good in things.  As I began to read, I quickly realized that I was viewing this situation through a  half-empty glass.  I have been letting my fear bring worry and an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Guilt has plagued me the past two weeks for delivering them so early.  I haven't enjoyed getting my body back because deep down I feel like my stomach should be growing instead of decreasing right now.  I have been dealing with so many emotions and it has been difficult for me to see the joy instead of the pain.

Today, I am choosing to not let my fear consume me.  I am choosing to be joyful that I have been able to spend 19 crazy days with our sweet girls.  Today, I saw the red tape outside of Maralee's door as the blood of Jesus protecting her instead of the mark of satan trying to get to her.  Today, I saw Adeline's progress and not her sickness.  Today, I am choosing to

This IS the day that the Lord has made and with God ALL things are possible!

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

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4 You've Got Mail!

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
-Hebrews 12:1

Saturday, Christen and I decided we needed to get out and soak up some sun to help relax ourselves. We were getting ready to go to the Montgomery beach aka the YMCA, and I happened to check the mail before we left. Right there on top was a letter from my old friend the National Council of the Architectural Registration Board. Let me provide you with a little background information- NCARB is notorious for taking their precious time when it comes to grading tests. Two months is a fast turn around, truthfully. So to see a letter only one week after testing is unheard of - and scary. I immediately thought it must have been so obvious to them that I failed the test for a turnaround this quick. I decided to open the letter outside so I could prepare myself to break the news to Christen. I took a deep breath and told the Lord that I was thankful for everyone's support and that even though becoming a licensed architect was a goal of mine, it is not what defines me. Regardless of the outcome I would glorify his name. After this, opening the letter is like taking off a band-aid, you just have to rip it! So I did. My eyes know exactly where to look on the paper for that four letter word, it's just a matter of which four letters you get. Praise the Lord, I got a PASS.

Once again, God has poured out his blessing upon me. I was speechless in the moment. Given the craziness of that week I knew it was likely that I could fail simply because I might not be able to focus during the test. It was hard to study that week but a new determination to pass had come over me. Not only was I passing for my family and personal ambition but now I felt a strange determination not to let all of you down. You had asked God to allow me to focus and retain the knowledge I had studied. I had no doubt he would pull through, it was up to me to decide the rest. It was hard to stay up later and get up earlier than I already was that week to read a boring book on earthquake forces that don't exist in Alabama, but I could not live with myself knowing you all had asked God to help me and I had not given him my best. I also believe that God understood my need to know the results of that test so I could move on to the final test with a sense of confidence. Again, thank you all for your support and encouragement.

To God be the glory!

- Raleigh

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5 Trust and Thanksgiving

The weather is warm, school is coming to a close, and the jasmine is blooming through our neighborhoods. This is the time of the year that we all look forward to...summer. Time for vacations, time to relax, and time for us to rejuvenate our souls. Typically, our summers are filled with weekend trips to the beach where we lay out all day and enjoy the delicious seafood by night. We ride in the boat with the wind whipping through our hair and we soak up the glorious sunshine rays as the day goes by. Summertime is blissful time and I anxiously wait for this warm weather to come every single year.

This summer, things are a little different. Instead of sunshine, our little girls are basking under jaundice lights so their skin won't turn yellow. Rather than riding on a boat, the most wind I get in my hair has been from my hands nervously running through my curls. I get lucky if I take the time to smell the jasmine on my rather short walk around the block. This summer is different, that is for sure.

But, for some reason, I am starting to thank God for this summer. I am starting to thank Him for this experience and I have begun to sacrifice my warm lazy days for relentless prayer to my Savior. This summer I am not going on vacation but I am going on a spiritual journey where my destination is to grow my faith and trust in God Almighty.

Yesterday, that faith and trust was severely tested. Our dear Adeline took a turn for the worst as her little body became susceptible to an infection in her blood. The doctor told us that she got really bad really fast but they were able to treat her with antibiotics. Raleigh had told me of her condition at lunch as we shared fried chicken with our moms and grandparents. Instead of enjoying this southern favorite, my stomach could hardly handle looking at my plate. I put on a "happy face" as I warned our families of the latest news and told them that everything was going to be alright and they could still see the girls. After ringing the bell to enter the NICU, the nurse that greeted us told me that I could only have one guest because of her "condition." As mom and I scrubbed in, my gut started to get nervous. Walking over to her little incubator, I was not prepared for what I saw. Her skin was an awful sickly pale color and her neck had swollen up to three times of its normal size. She looked lifeless and I could barely see her little breaths that were being provided to her from the ventilator. All of a sudden, I couldn't take it anymore. As I burst into tears, the sweet nurses started to comfort me. It was just too much for me to handle.

I thought, haven't we been through enough? First Maralee and now Adeline? Then, my head realized what my heart had already figured out. Tuesday night, I was reading the lesson from my new devotional, Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young. The lesson began with this line..."Thank ME for your problems." It then states, "Ask Me to show you My way to handle the situation." As I stared down at that page Tuesday night I really had trouble digesting the fact that I was supposed to be thankful for this problem. I am thankful for the lessons that are being learned but I have struggled with being thankful to see my girls going through so much suffering.

That night, as I cried tears on Raleigh's shoulder, I began to realize that being thankful for our problems doesn't have to mean being thankful to see them hurting. Being thankful means being thankful that God is in control of my problem, our situation...not me. I can't carry this burden...it is totally weighing me down. Everything seems so small and insignificant to me right now compared to the battle we are fighting. And, as a new mom, I have started to carry the weight of their world on my shoulders. I have not totally trusted God...I have fear and I am scared. I want his peace but I know I don't have it right now. I know this because I have not totally sacrificed this burden to Him. God's peace is waiting for me, I have to just give up all control and totally give Him my burdens.

Last night, I picked up a book I read in college called Strong Women, Soft Hearts. As I opened the book, I landed on chapter 6 entitled, Trust: The Art of Falling Backward. I thought...hmm..okay...I'm listening. The chapter opened with this quote from C.S. Lewis, "The thing is to rely only on God. The time will come when you will regard all this misery as a small price to pay for having been brought to that dependence. Meanwhile, the trouble is that relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing has yet been done."

That quote resonated to the deepest of my being last night after having such a difficult day. I began to let the words sink in and I began to understand that this too relates to being thankful for my problems. Trust and Thanksgiving are two words that are like peanut butter and jelly when it comes to our faith in Christ. Paula Rinehart goes on to say that "Trust hangs somewhere between knowing what your heart longs for and trying to dictate the shape or timing or outcome of your heart's desire." My heart is longing for the peace of God to wrap around my soul yet I still have not completely trusted Him with my desire to raise these two little girls. I want everything to be okay but I am not letting Him in to make everything okay. Throughout my life, I have prided myself on not being a quitter but right now I want to quit being in control and start trusting that God is in control of this situation.

Just moments ago, I received an update from the doctor. He gave me great news on both Adeline and Maralee! He said that Adeline's swelling had gone down tremendously and all of her reports came back looking good. Maralee is digesting her breast milk and is coming close to being off the ventilator. Friends, I am THANKFUL!!!! Praise God that He is in control and listens to our problems! I am still on the road to complete trust yet I know that my heart is getting closer to allowing His peace to wash through my soul.

Thank you again for all of your prayers. I have complete confidence that they are being heard. I know that there are many others that are going through tough stuff right now so I thank you for thinking of us.

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

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0 Your prayers are heard

I just wanted to take a moment to let you all know how grateful and blessed christen and I truly are to be surrounded by such amazing people. I know most 'older generations' don't understand what is so amazing about tweeting and posting on other peoples walls - I confess I often wonder these things too. But in this particular moment of my life I have seen how the Lord will stop at no means to reach out to his children and that includes the Internet. As I sat in the hospital those first two nights finding it ridiculously hard to sleep, it wasn't because of the awful cot - let's just say my mind was a little active. I decided to check Facebook and see if word had gotten out yet. To say that it had, would be a bit of an understatement.

Friends, I tell you, at 2 am in a hospital there could not have been anything more comforting than the words I read. Literally hundreds of people had reached out to us through every technological means possible. I read the unending list of prayers and words of encouragement through tweets, post, texts and emails until I fell asleep to your very words. Prayers are exactly what we need and you all continue to provide them. I pray that in someway, through our journey, you may be drawn closer to God as well. Never let anyone tell you God is outdated or that he is not present anymore, because I can assure you that he was on my iPhone that Friday night!

- Raleigh

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5 We must protect this house

Today has been an interesting day.  It seems that the Price house is a little on edge right now.  Yesterday, our neighbor's house was broken into.  Robberies can happen in any city but it really makes you aware of your surroundings when it happens in your neighborhood.  What makes it scary is I was home alone when it happened yet had no clue until Raleigh's mom came home and she saw our neighbor.  Today, Mrs. Price and I decided to go out to eat for lunch and Raleigh calls me minutes after we left saying that our house alarm was going off.  We race back home and start blaring our horn outside of our house.  I guess we thought we would be scaring off the bad guys but it ended up just being a false alarm.  I am glad because if I had seen a bad guy run out of our house I do believe I would have had a heart attack and the horn would not do us any good!!!!!

After that scare, we ate some lunch and then headed to the hospital to see the girls.  Our amazing pastors met us at the NICU so they could pray over Adeline and Maralee.  After scrubbing our hands up and down, we walked into their shared room with 17 other little ones and started to receive the updated report from the nurse and doctor.  Turns out, the little infection that Maralee might have is actually a real staff infection.  The doctor told  us it could be caused by the ventilator tube that is down her throat right now or it could have been passed on to her from any of the doctors, nurses, etc. that have been checking her in the hospital.  She has started on antibiotics but since she has this infection she is now on quarantine.  There is a big red box around her incubator and this is to show that anybody that touches her needs to wear gloves and a sterile hospital gown.  This also means that she will probably be in isolation until she gets to go home. 

That was hard news for us to hear.  All in all, this is something that is common around the hospital but it is just an added thing for Maralee's body to fight.  It is taking a lot of willpower to not be angry at this situation.  This almost seems like something that someone else gave her; not something that was caused by her premature birth.  It is so easy to place blame on this unknown person that accidentally gave her this infection but I am starting to figure out that I can't go down this road of pointing fingers.  Through their lives, many people are going to accidentally cause harm to my children.  As their mom, I need to just go ahead and forgive this person and pray that healing will come.  As always, this is easier said than done :)

Friends, it pains me to see my little girl going through so much.  I do realize that God is taking any discomfort from her little body right now and whispering sweet things to her, but it kills me to see that red line around her "house."  I know that the red line is keeping the bad guys out but it is also keeping me out.  I want to protect her, to hold her and tell her everything is going to be alright, but even I, her mom, can't get close to her.  The little privilege that we had of touching her has been taken away and now we have to fully trust in Jesus' love for Maralee right now. 

I don't think I have told this story yet, but Maralee's name was the first name that Raleigh and I thought of for the girls.  We loved the idea of combining family names into one new name.  Maralee's name originated from my Paw Paw, Marion Jackson  and Raleigh's Nan Nan, Okalee.  My Paw Paw has always been someone that I have admired.  He has such faith in Christ and has the lines on his hands to show his labor in life has been for the Lord.  My Paw Paw has always been on the smaller side but boy could he run back in his day!  His nickname was Jack "Rabbit" and he ran track and played football for Auburn.  Raleigh's grandmother is also someone to admire because she has shown such strength for so many years.  Her husband died of a heart attack when Raleigh was young but she continues on with her life.  She cooks, goes to work, and has even learned how to use the computer. :)  She is truly a woman of noble character that knows how to keep her family together. 

Since we chose Maralee's name first, we decided to give it to Baby B.  It was our way of making things fair for Baby A.  Looking at both of my girls, I know that their names already fit their personalities.  The name Adeline reminds me of "Sweet Caroline" and I think she looks so sweet and peaceful laying in her incubator.  She doesn't move much yet she loves to hold our hands when we touch her.  Inside my womb, I always felt Baby B kicking and squirming around and Maralee is obviously that baby now.  She is a little fighter and she isn't going to let this yucky mess get the best of her. 

I look down at Maralee and she reminds me that I need to be a fighter too.  I need to be strong and show courage when I get these kind of reports.  It is so hard because I feel like the devil is using her to get to me.  He knows that we thought of her name first so he is attacking her harder than Adeline right now.  It is symbolic to me that the line around her incubator is red.  The color red can easily be associated with satan and I just pray that God's angels are inside of that red tape blocking out the arsenal that he is throwing at our baby girl.  This is truly a war that we are caught in right now. 

This afternoon, riding home in the car, Mrs. Price reminded me of the battle of the good and bad angels over Moses' body.  Deuteronomy 34:6 tells us that the Lord buried Moses and to this day no one knows where his grave is.  God buried him so the devil couldn't use Moses' remains against God's chosen people.   Hebrews 3: 1-14 tells us,

"Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess.  He was faithful to the one who appointed him, just as Moses was faithful in all God's house.  Jesus has been found worthy of greater honor than Moses, just as the builder of a house has greater honor than the house itself.  For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything.  Moses was faithful as a servant in all God's house, testifying to what would be said in the future.  But Christ is faithful as a son over God's house.  And we are his house, if we hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast.  So, as the Holy Spirit says: "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion, during the time of testing in the desert, where your fathers tested and tried me and for forty years saw what I did.  That is why I was angry with that generation, and I said, 'Their hearts are always going astray, and they have not known my ways.  So I declared on oath in my anger, 'They shall never enter my rest.'  See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God.  But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.  We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first."

Friends, many of you have been so sweet and encouraging to me as I go through this situation.  I am no superwoman, I am just a girl that became a mom and is now trying her best to hold things together.  I have to be faithful...I am nowhere near Moses, but I have to be a faithful servant to God's house right now.  I can't have a hardened heart during this situation, I have to have courage and faith in Christ.  I thank you for your daily encouragement and am so thankful for Today because it is another day that I get to share with these beautiful little girls.

Below are two pictures that I wanted to share.  In the first picture, the tube that is going through Maralee's mouth is the ventilator.  Please pray that she will start to breathe on her own so she can go back on the CPAP that is going through her nose in the second picture.  This device allows her to breathe better.  We need to pray that both girls will get on the CPAP quickly so they can start to digest their food.  Praise God that all other reports are looking good right now. 

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

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4 A Very Happy Mother's Day

So, I wasn't quite sure how I would be feeling for my very first Mother's Day.  Of course, I was extremely grateful to be celebrating this holiday for the first time, but I wasn't sure if emotionally I would be able to hold myself together.  I can officially say that I had a wonderful Mother's Day and that once again the Lord showed me his grace and love.

To start the day off, Raleigh fixed me breakfast in bed.  We had yummy cinnamon rolls (these have become a habit for us on Sunday mornings) that were cooked perfect...a little gooey in the center but firm on the edges.  After we finished breakfast, he surprised me with my first Mother's Day gift.  I looked at him in disbelief because I had no idea how he had time to get me a gift with his test last week.  My sweet husband went to the hospital one morning while I was still asleep and took these beautiful pictures of our precious little girls.  He said that the nurses were all over this little project and they were so helpful to him in this little scheme.  Thank you Dawn and Pamela!

Adeline's hand

Maralee's hand

Adeline's toes

Maralee's toes

 

After I opened my present, we got ready to head to church.  I knew that this is where I was supposed to be yesterday morning but I will admit I feared that I would totally break down in front of everyone.  We got there a little late but still got to sit with our awesome friends and joined them in worshiping our amazing Savior.  During the service, they played a song that I haven't heard before but it really struck home to me.  It was all about how God hears our requests and how He answers them.  After our rough Wednesday night, I spent some serious time in prayer on Thursday and Friday.  As I was praying for the health of our babies, I began to plead with God for them to stay with us on earth.  Friends, I truly believe that God has a greater plan than what we can see in front of us and I know ultimately that His will for our lives is what is most important.  I am trying with all of my heart to see His will in this situation but at the same time I will admit that I selfishly want the chance to raise these girls into women.  I believe that He gave us this blessing because we chose to follow Him and He knows that this has been a desire on my heart.   

Psalm 20:1, 4-5 says, "May the Lord answer you when you are in distress, may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.  May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.  We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.  May the LORD grant all your requests."

Friends, I want these little girls to come home with us one day very soon. I want to celebrate Mother's Day for many years to come.  I want to see them grow up, go to college, and marry a great guy one day.  I still fear the worst, but I can't let that fear control my life and my thoughts.  Right now, our nursery is half-way completed.  The little clothes still have their tags on them and we have so much to organize and put in its place.  Normally, I would be in hog-heaven getting to do all of this (I am so type A when it comes to organization) but my fears are making me timid.  Part of me is scared to take the tags off.....but the other part of me knows that I have to have faith that He is hearing my requests.  I can't live in fear; I have to continue to seek the good in this situation. 

So, yesterday, on Mother's Day, I chose to be happy and to celebrate me being a mom.  When we arrived at the hospital, I received another present from each of the girls.  The nurses had stamped their little footprints on some cards saying that today they were 9 days old.  Praise God that they are 9 days old!!!!!  I also received some sweet flower bouquets with a poem from Footprints Ministry.  Both of these gifts brought a smile to my face and I really enjoyed getting to love on my Adeline and my Maralee.  Thank you nurses and Footprints Ministry for being so thoughtful to us new mommies!!!!

Sweet friends, I truly want to thank you for all of your prayers and gifts.  Thank you to everyone that sent me messages yesterday, it means so much to me that you thought of me.  We believe in the power of prayer and that faith as small as a mustard seed CAN move mountains.  We are still running this marathon so please continue to pray for our family.  Specifically pray for the girls to both work on their breathing so they can move on to digesting their feedings.  Pray for me to remain positive and not let fear consume me....let me have the peace of God wash over me.  Pray for Raleigh to continue to be the leader of our family and for Him to not get overwhelmed with work, tests, and our situation.  Thank you so much again for thinking of us and we will continue to keep you all updated!

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

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2 You Hold Me Now

So, Wednesday night Raleigh and I headed to the hospital to see our sweet baby girls.  On the way, he played his new Hillsong c.d. and immediately I started to cry when the song "You Hold Me Now" started playing .  Earlier that day, I had visited the girls with both of our moms and I got a little sad. They are still too little to hold and Raleigh's mom mentioned that she knew she was "Gabby" but she just wanted to hold her grand babies so bad. It was so hard to see them with all of those tubes inside of them.  Usually, all I see are precious teeny tiny little girls but yesterday I kept seeing these images:

While this song was playing, all I could do was close my eyes and listen to the lyrics:

No weeping, no hurt or pain

No suffering You hold me now

No darkness no sick or lame

No Hiding, You hold me now,

You hold me now

Friends, this is really hard to write.  As I mentioned before, I am trying to look at the positive things and I know that this is a marathon and we are running baby steps right now but I really do want to hold my little girls.  I want to hold them and kiss them and see them open their eyes.  I wonder if they feel those tubes and if they are having a hard time through all of this.  I would have a C-section without my pain medicine again if that could take any pain from them.  I wonder, can they hear me?  Do they know that it is me that gets to touch them?  Do they feel all of this love that surrounds them?

I don't have the answers to these questions.  But, as I boo-hooed in the car on the way to the hospital, I began to experience God's love holding me now, in that moment.  And I realized that even though I can't hold Adeline and Maralee, HE IS.  He is taking away their hurt or pain.  They don't have suffering or know that they are sick.  He HOLDS THEM NOW.

Shakily, I wiped away my tears, and my husband said, "Let's go see those baby girls."  We went inside the NICU and got to spend a wonderful amount of time with the twins.  Raleigh got to see Maralee's face for the first time that night and my heart filled with joy and love as he smiled down at her.  He is such a great husband and dad.  I love him so much. 

On the way home, we continued to listen to the Hillsong c.d. but "You Hold Me Now" was still on my heart.  As I mentally played those words in my head, I heard this voice say, "This song would be great to play at Maralee's funeral."  At that moment, I didn't know what to think, wondering did I really think that?????  All of a sudden I busted into tears and asked Raleigh if they were going to die.  If Maralee was going to die.  We immediately had to pull over because neither one of us could hold back the flood gates.  As we held each other, we started to say the words of the song:

No weeping, no hurt or pain

No suffering You hold me now

No darkness no sick or lame

No Hiding, You hold me now,

You hold me now

All of a sudden, I realized the game that was being played.  Satan wanted to throw some spiritual warfare inside my head to freak me out.   He saw how well I was doing, how much I was coming to Jesus instead of him, and he got JEALOUS.  He wanted me to feel hurt and pain.  He wanted me to be in darkness.  He wanted my deepest fear to come true.  Raleigh, totally out of his normal character, was so angry- he looked as if he wanted to fight.  As we sat there, absorbing what was going on, we both realized how sick Satan really is.  How manipulative and deceiving.  He used a song that brought me comfort hours ago and turned it against me.  He is playing hardball and doesn't care if feelings and emotions get hurt.  In fact, he dwells in it, yearns for it, it is his deepest desire to turn God's children away from their father.

Sitting at the stop sign just a block from our house, we began to pray.  We prayed for God to take away our fears.  We prayed for strength and endurance.  We prayed for Him to continue to hold us.  We listened to the song and we heard:

In this life I will stand

Through my joy and my pain

Knowing there's a greater day

There's a hope that never fails

Listening to these words, our hearts filled with God's love and we realized this important fact: WE ARE ON JESUS' TEAM.  HE HAS ALREADY DEFEATED SATAN.  "Shout unto God" is another awesome song by Hillsong that fits this perfectly:

The enemy has been defeated

And death couldn't hold You down

We're gonna lift our voice in victory

We're gonna make Your praises loud

Shout unto God with a voice of triumph

Shout unto God with a voice of praise

Shout unto God with a voice of triumph

We lift Your name up

We lift Your name up

Praise Jesus that HE has already kicked Satan's butt for us.  Friends, I pleading with you....if you don't have Christ in your life, get on his team.  Life really, really stinks and hurts at times but having Him take the pain helps us to keep going.  I can't imagine being on the dark side while going through this battle.  Friends, I am praying that God just puts up an electric fence around my head and heart.  The minute satan starts to sneak into my thoughts I want him to be zapped on the highest voltage.

That will make any dog tuck his tail and run :)

TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY 

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

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6 It Wasn't Supposed to be This Way

Last Thursday began pretty similar to any other day.  My parents were in town for business so my mom and I spent the day together.  We ate a tasty lunch at Jason's Deli and went antique shopping that afternoon.  I scored two great bookshelves and only paid $60 for both.  We came home and all ate salad and spaghetti at the dinner table as a family.  Little did I know that in less than 12 hours I would be in labor delivering our precious baby girls at 27 weeks.

Friday morning began in fear and uncertainty.  The doctor told us to watch my cramps over the next hour and if we had more than four then we needed to go to the hospital.  He advised me to drink fluids and take a warm bath to relax.  As I laid in the tub trying not to cry, I had no idea that would be the last time I would see my pregnant tummy sticking out from the water.  As the hour closed, I had at least seven cramps (now I know that they were contractions!) and we rushed to the hospital. Before long, I was in a hospital gown fully dilated and found out that today would be the day I would go into delivery.  I had no bags packed, no car seats hooked up, and no time to think about any of those things.  The only thing that I could think about was THIS IS TOO EARLY.  IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY.  I got scared and I was in pain. 

When the nurses wheeled me into the operating room, I was surrounded by busy activity.  Nurses, techs, and doctors were scurrying around getting me ready for delivery.  Our wonderful doctor, Matt Phillips, advised us to do a C-section because Maralee was laying across my stomach.  I quickly agreed with the decision and he took time to pray with me before we began.  To start things off, I dangled my legs over the table and received a spinal shot.  Raleigh wasn't allowed to be in the room at that point so I made the nurse hold my hand.  Quickly my legs starting twitching and soon my lower body became completely numb as they swung me around to the delivery position.  As I lay on the table, all I saw were bright lights and lots of people.  It started to feel like the Peanut Festival on opening night and I became panicked drawing in quick short breaths.  So, I closed my eyes to block out the confusion.

With my eyes closed, I did the only thing I knew I could do at this point.  PRAY.  I prayed for the doctors, I prayed for the nurses, I prayed, prayed, prayed, for the safety and health of my little girls, and I prayed for my fear of the delivery process.  By that point, I felt a familiar hand grasp mine, and I knew my husband was by my side.  He rubbed my hair, kissed my forehead, and gave me the earthly encouragement that I needed.  I kept my eyes closed throughout the whole delivery and just continued to pray the same prayer over and over:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Soon enough the procedure was over and Dr. Phillips said that I had courage.  That made me feel good because just this week I was reading about how courage helps to define your character.  I had crossed over the bridge and now officially joined the team of motherhood.  All in all, it wasn't as bad as I had feared and I thank God that He created smart people to engineer medicine drugs that take the bullet for you. :)

After that, I was wheeled into the recovery room.  My legs began to tingle as they slowly woke up from sleep and that was when we first met Dr. Millage from the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). He spoke honestly and told us that our babies were doing well but not great.  His eyes didn't quite meet ours and that made me realize that he really meant what he was saying.  As he left, he assured us that the situation could be a lot worse and that there was hope for them to feeling great.   That was really hard to digest at that moment but it gave me the confidence that I needed so I wouldn't begin to worry.

Over the next couple of days, I recovered in room 248.  The nurses took excellent care of me and I learned how to breast pump from a woman named Psyche.  They were awesome and I can not say thank you enough to the nurses at Baptist East.  THANK YOU!!!  

Quickly my days were filled with visits from family and friends.  Even though I didn't always feel great, it was really great to see everyone.  Their visits kept me smiling and upbeat and I really felt assured that our babies were doing well.  My mom was AWESOME at taking care of me and my sweet husband never left my side.  Both of our families came to our rescue over the weekend.  When they weren't at the hospital, they were cleaning, organizing, and taking care of the daily needs of our home and puppies.  We are beyond grateful for them giving so much of themselves during our desperate time of need.  Now, more than ever, I really appreciate our families and am so THANKFUL that they can get along and be apart of our team.  Mr. and Mrs. Price, Gunter, KB, Mom, Dad, & Courts.....WE LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!

During my stay in the hospital; physically I was in recovery from pain and emotionally I was doing well under the circumstances. The NICU kept us informed and it was comforting to know that Adeline and Maralee were right down the hall.  On Tuesday, Dr. Phillips made his rounds and asked me if I was experiencing any post-par tum depression and I assured him that I was okay.  It really helped me to talk to my friend Katie because she and her husband were at the tail-end of their son's stay in the NICU.  Seeing them go through their experience gave us the assurance that tons of babies are delivered premature yet they grow up into healthy, strong babies just like the full-term ones. 

After Dr. Phillips left my room quoting scripture, I sat in my hospital bed absorbing our conversation.  Tuesday was my last day in the hospital, and I began to feel homesick from room 248.  I had not been outside since Friday morning and my brain started to digest the fact that the real world was right outside of those sliding glass doors.  As much as I was looking forward to sleeping in my own bed with my husband, and seeing my puppy dogs, I started to miss my little square inch room.  I started to miss the girls being right down the hall.  That day, I realized all of the things that I missed.  I missed picking out cute pajamas to wear in the hospital.  I missed packing my bags and having them on stand-by.  I missed being in the "rapid growth stage" of my final months of pregnancy.  I missed being able to wear those cute maternity clothes while eating petit fours at my baby shower that was supposed to be on Sunday.  I missed hearing my babies cry as they entered into the world.  They couldn't cry because their lungs weren't fully developed yet.  I missed taking the picture of mom looking gross yet so beautiful as she held her precious newborn for the very first time.  On Tuesday, as I waited for Raleigh to pull the truck around to the entry of the hospital, I became well aware that I was leaving the hospital without our babies. As we exited onto I-85, the tears started flowing.

That was the first time I had cried since they were delivered.  I needed to cry and it was overall a happy cry twinged with sadness.  It is just hard to absorb all of those little things.  We all "think" we know how things are going to happen but once again God showed me that it was His timing, not mine.  He knew the babies would be entering this world on April 30, 2010, before He even created me twenty-five years ago.  He is teaching me with this experience that once again I am not in control of my life.  I have given my life to Him, and now I have to trust His guidance.  As Raleigh and I talked, I began to really see how God had planned for them to born on that day.  If they had been born on Saturday, Raleigh would have missed their births because he was supposed to go on a rafting trip that weekend.  If I had continued to work, I would have had those babies on the Relay For Life track that night.  On their birthday, Raleigh got a message that the babies furniture had arrived.  My dad's business seminar just "happened" to be in Prattville on Thursday and Friday.  I didn't get freaked out when I saw our babies for the first time all wrapped in wires and tubes because my job in Birmingham required me to be around sick cancer patients every single day.

Friends, these things are not coincidence.  God is SO in control of our lives.  Wiping away my tears, I stopped comparing my pregnancy to what I missed.  I started to think about what I have been given.  Things like....

I got to touch Adeline's little bitty knee

The nurse let me change Maralee's diaper for the first time

The other night, Adeline held my finger in her delicate hands

 

Yesterday, I finally saw Maralee's face for the very first time

I love these little girls so much.  We are taking baby steps but they are steps that are in the right direction.  Thank you friends for your prayers and love.  We really need it right now.

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

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